“What are you doing, Jayson?”
“Kissing my sexy girlfriend,” I respond, lifting up her green blouse and then her bra to cup her breast. A tiny whimper leaves her.Hell, yeah. I’ve got her right where I want her.
I use my weight to hold her against the tree and nudge her up a bit because I can’t wait another damn second to get my mouth on her. I pinch her nipple until it hardens and then move my head down to take it into my mouth, swiping my tongue in a circular motion. I lavish the tiny bud, suckling and nibbling until her whimpers become moans and her body writhes against the coarse bark of the tree trunk.
“Jayson, not here,” but she whimpers, wanting me to stop but also wanting me to continue.My tipsy brain disagrees with the former.
Liz and I decided a while ago not to rush into having sex. Do I want to? Hell, yes. Every damn minute of every hour of every day. She walks in a room and I get hard. When I’m in my bedroom and can hear her voice from her open window, I get hard. I wake up every morning after dreaming of her, and I am hard as a rock. The fact that she and I breathe the same air makes me hard. My desire for her, knowing I’m the only man to be with her like this, is enough to bring me to my knees and beg. I love this girl so fucking much. But I know she’s not ready to take that next big step yet. However, like I said a second ago, my drunk mind doesn’t care. My insecurities are high tonight. Old fears about her and Ryder wage a war inside my psyche creating a need for me to claim her, to hear her shoutmy nameas I give her euphoric bliss over and over.
I nip her breast one last time before I step back allowing her legs to drop from around my waist. My hands immediately go to the waistband of her jeans.
“Jayson, stop.”
I don’t listen. I pull at her zipper, my need to claim her, make her want me like I want her, driving my impulses.She doesn’t shove me away or yell at me. I deserve it though, shame sneaking its way into my drunken brain for how I’m behaving. She gently cups her hands around my face and pulls me up. She kisses me once on the mouth and once on the forehead.
“Baby,” she speaks to me soothingly, “we’re in the middle of the woods and you’re drunk.”
I try to focus on what she’s telling me, but all I see is two of her, the four beers I practically inhaled in minutes showing their effects. The only thing I can do is nod and lay my head against her chest. God, she smells good.
She turns me around, taking most of my weight on her delicate shoulders. “Let’s go find Julien.”
Elizabeth drags my sorry ass away from the tree and back toward the bonfire. I’m starting to feel a bit sick to my stomach, beer sloshing around in my guts. I should have eaten before we came out here tonight. As we pass the side of the warehouse, Elizabeth suddenly halts in her tracks, jostling me which makes my stomach heave. I raise my head and see two forms, one standing and the other on their knees, face at crotch level.
I hear Elizabeth’s pained gasp, “Ryder?” And then I throw up.
Ryder
Jayson is carrying Elizabeth off, and my stomach plummets. I have a pretty good idea of what’s going on in his mind after seeing him grab her ass and lift her up. Why can’t I move on from her? Why am I still so obsessed with Elizabeth? I sit by and pine away, wanting her to notice how I continue to hold my heart out to her in my hands, pleading for her to take it. She’s still my best friend. She still loves me, I assure myself, so shouldn’t that be enough? To have her in my life even though I can’t have her in my arms? Thoughts of what she and Jayson are probably doing right now cut me like a thousand daggers, shredding me. Have they had sex yet? Are they having sex now? Has she given her body, her innocence to him, like she’s given him her kisses?
A movement beside me catches my eye. Jacinda slides in next to me holding out a bottle.
“Hey,” she purrs. I chug the rest of Jayson’s beer and take the one she’s offering.
“Hey,” I say back.
“You’re not here with anyone tonight I see. And I’m not with Fallon.” She slides her hand across my stomach, moves closer to me. I quirk an eyebrow at her. She smiles up at me and slides her hand lower. I think of Elizabeth, picture that it’s her hand touching me, and my dick twitches.
Jacinda smiles wider and rubs her hand down to cup me over my jeans. “Want to get out of here?”
Do I, I wonder? Part of me is desperate to move on, to try and find a semblance of happiness with someone even if it's not with Elizabeth. She’s with Jayson. She’s happy. Me? I want one goddamn minute to not live in my pathetic self-imposed seclusion. I want to feel alive like I do when I’m withher, feel the rush like I do when I race. Just one minute to forget.
“Yeah,” I say, taking Jacinda’s hand and pulling her toward the warehouse.
Jacinda slinks her hand down the front of my jeans as we walk, giggling. “God, you’re big.”
I don’t want to hear her voice right now. It’s not the voice I crave. I just want to forget. I know I’m being a bastard. I’m about to use a girl who I could care less about just so I can escape my need for the girl who has always owned my heart. I justify what I’m about to do by telling myself that Jacinda freely offered. She was the one to approach me, to come on to me, to make the first move. She knows the rules. She should because she’s been the go-to girl for most of the boys at school when they want a quick hook-up. She doesn’t care who she fucks, never has.
I pull Jacinda around the side of the warehouse, out of sight from the bonfire where darkness can shroud us. She reaches up to kiss me, but I jerk my head to the side and maneuver to her neck. Jacinda moans loudly. I close my eyes and imagine a different scene playing out, a different girl. God, I’m an asshole.
Getting disgusted with myself, I’m about to pull away from her and say fuck it and leave, when she turns me around and pushes me up against the cold steel metal of the warehouse. Jacinda drops down to her knees in front of me and hastily unzips my jeans. I squeeze my eyes shut and give up, let it happen.
Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, I chant, as Jacinda pulls my engorged dick out and immediately puts her mouth on me and begins to suck.
I don’t remember much of what happens next, but I know it doesn’t take long for me to come in her mouth. I should feel sated, but all I feel is dirty, hollow and empty.
And then my worst nightmare happens.
A sound of a gasp. A voice I would know anywhere because it haunts my dreams.
