I wince. “Sorry, not our finest moment. I thought I’d bust a nut when Ry said you were too young. That was funny as shit.”
“Let’s agree to disagree.”
“I was actually jealous of you,” I confess, feeling shame at having such a petty feeling toward her.
“Jealous? Of me?” she asks, surprised. “Why?”
“I thought Elijah was the most handsome boy I had ever seen. But then he started talking to you, not me. It scared me a lot. How could I want you and him at the same time?”
Liz looks a little unsure on what to say. It takes her a minute before she continues.
“You wanted me?”
“You know I’ve always loved you, Liz.”
“I love you, too.” She starts to wiggle her toes, digging them into the cool sand. “You’re right. This is very confusing. I’m with Jayson now and you like Elijah. So, um, are you saying that you’re bi?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I guess it would make sense. I mean, you’re the only girl I’ve ever been truly interested in in that way. And, yeah, I like Elijah, too,” I admit as I create a picture in the sand with broken pieces of seashells.
“You know it’s ok to be confused and it’s ok to have questions. Have you talked to Jayson about things?”
I shake my head. “No. No one knows. You’re the first person I’ve told.”
She’s shocked. I don’t think I’ve seen the type of shocked expression on Liz’s face before.
“I’m very honored then. Thank you, Julien.”
My breath releases in a torrent.
“Do you plan to tell Jayson? Your parents? I’ll be there with you, be there for you, no matter when or where or how. Whatever you need, I’ll do it. Just say the word.”
This girl is so special. She would walk through fire for me. I’m grateful to have her in my life. I’m grateful that she loves my brother, that she loves me and Ryder, too. Her capacity for love is overwhelming.
“I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. It’s been hard enough trying to figure out what’s in my head. I’ve always felt different in some way.”
“You’re not different, Julien. Don’t ever think that. You’re strong and kind and honest. You put others before yourself. You are one the most wonderful people I know, and I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t in my life. Your parents, Jayson, even Ryder, will support you no matter what. They won’t abandon you. Being gay or bi doesn’t change who you are. You must know that, right?”
“I know things are better today than they used to be, Liz. But there’s still a lot of hate and prejudice that exists. I don’t know if I’m ready to face all of that. Especially when we go back to school.”
“Those small-minded people can go fuck themselves then,” she says vehemently.
I’m not used to hearing the f-word come out of Liz’s mouth. “Whoa, mamma tigress. You can sheathe those claws now.”
“Not on your life. Anyone wants to mess with you, they will have to get through me first, claws and all.” Turning somber again, “I mean it Julien. No matter what, you need me and I’m there.”
“I love you, Liz.”
“And I love you, too.” The hug she gives me is warm and welcoming.
I gradually get up from where we sit, wiping sand off the backs of my legs. “Let’s head on in and make sure Jay and Ry haven’t killed each other yet.”
“Whatever you want,” she replies, and I know she means it in every way.
Chapter 10
Jayson
I glance over at Ryder. I understood Liz’s intentions last night when she silently slipped out of the room leaving me and Ryder alone for the first time since our fight. But I also understand that the rift between him and me will take a lot of long, hard work on my part before it mends. I’m up for the challenge. I’d do anything for my girl. I get it, too. I get Ryder’s anger at me. I’m the piece of shit he accused me to be, going behind everyone’s back and claiming Liz for myself. I’ve asked myself, would I have done anything different if given the chance. Yes and no. Having Liz as mine? Fuck no.
