“Fine.”
I sit up in bed and Hailey stops bouncing to sit cross-legged in front of me, clapping her hands together like she’s five years old and is about to get ice cream.
What do I tell her? How much should I share? Once I say the words, once I acknowledge what happened, there’s no going back. Am I ready for that? Am I ready for what’s to come?
“He kissed me.”
Hailey nods her head, waiting for me to continue. But that’s all I can get out. My thoughts simply shut down for a second and focus on that one thing. Jayson kissing me. The feel of his mouth on mine, the heady sensation that followed of my body firing to life, both hot and cold consuming me at the same time. I relive it all in that one second.
“You are such a bitch,” she laughs. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
She pushes me over and my head lands on my pillow, so I take that opportunity to snuggle in. Hailey lays down to face me and tucks my hair behind my ear, waiting patiently for me to find my words.
“It was Jayson,” I whisper to her.
Her eyes get big again.
“I wish I could explain exactly how I’m feeling. I wish I had your way with words, to be able to express myself in a poem. That’s what it feels like right now to me. A poem filled with romance, beauty, angst, life, heartbreak.” At heartbreak, my voice hitches. “He said he loves me. He said he’s loved me forever.”
“And what did you say to him? Do you love him back?”
“Yeah, I do. You know that. I’m ecstatic, over the moon. Then I picture Ryder and feel like shit.”
She cups my cheek in understanding. “Because you love him, too.”
I nod, a single tear sliding down to melt into her fingers that are pressed against my face.
“But that’s what you said you wanted Lizzie. You said you wanted them to choose for you. It sounds like Jayson chose and Ryder didn’t. And knowing you, you also told Jayson you loved him. So you chose as well. The next step is to talk to Ryder. Talk to Julien. Clear things up before next week because your teenage drama is not going to ruin our beach vacation!”
“Ryder said he wanted to talk to me this afternoon and is coming over.”
“Well, then, there’s your chance.”
She hops off my bed and smacks my butt. “Now, get a move on. Breakfast is ready. Mom sent me up here to get you and is probably wondering what’s taking us so long.”
Hailey skips out of my room. A warm summer breeze floats through my open window. I stand up and walk over, making sure to straighten out my tank top and boy shorts I wore to bed last night. My heart flutters as I approach the window wondering if Jayson and Julien are awake and if I’ll see Jayson standing at his window looking back at me. I peak over and notice that for the first time in nine years, their window is closed, curtains drawn. Does that mean something? Is Jayson regretting what happened last night? Uncertainty settles over me, but I can't keep standing here worrying, so I focus on taking a quick shower and head downstairs for breakfast.
“Mornin’, sweetpea,” Mom chirps at me from the kitchen island where she is plating pancakes and bacon.
I go over to give her a hug and a kiss before sitting down on the bar stool next to Hailey.
“Morning, Mom.”
“I need to go to the store this morning to pick up the stuff we need to take with us next week. I figure we can wait to do the grocery shopping once we get to the beach house. Did you want me to grab any snacks to take with us in the minivan?”
She hands me my plate and I grab the bottle of syrup and pour it over my pancakes. I'm allergic to dairy so she uses almond milk in the batter. I dip a piece of bacon into the sweet gooey goodness and pop it into my mouth.
“My usual. Candies and diet soda.”
“Mom, I’ll come with,” Hailey suggests. “Do we have time to stop at the electronics store? The charger for my phone broke and I need a new one.”
“Yes, sweetie. We can do that. Do you want to come too Lizzie-bear?”
“No thanks,” I say licking syrup off the side of my thumb. “I’m supposed to meet up with Ryder later.”
Hailey gives me a knowing look, but Mom doesn’t notice. I finish with the bacon and dive into my pancakes.
“Thanks for breakfast, Mom. I’ll clean up so you guys can head on out. When’s Dad coming home again?”
