Because I was swamped in a whisk of lightheadedness.
Everything airy and light except for my heart that felt like a brick wall had toppled on me, crushing my chest.
I didn’t have time to stand there and swoon.
Colin was right beside him, crouched low as he tried to inspect whatever it was that Cash was doing. All up in his business and no question in the way.
Pieces of my son’s hair stuck up all over the place, and he was dressed in mismatched clothes and Addy’s far too big pink flip-flops on his feet, as if he’d rolled out of bed and immediately come running out here.
Eva spun a circle in her nightgown as she tried to reach for a butterfly that flitted overhead, and Addy was on the opposite side of the porch trying to reach over the railing to pick a flower from a bush.
I finally gathered myself enough to pull open the sliding door.
The riot of voices amplified the second I did.
“Well, how are you gonna do that?” Colin asked, his words rushed and garbled. “It seems like it’s gotta be a lot of work. Do you like work? Do you even got a job?”
“Over here,butterfwy!” Eva sang over the top of Colin as she twirled. “You gotta come here so you can be my favorite pet except for my doggie Duke!”
Duke ran a circle around her, barking every step and wagging his tail.
“You should leave it alone because you might hurt its wings, Eva. You don’t want to do that, do you? Come and pick a flower with me because we have to surprise Mom,” Addy suggested, my sweet little caretaker.
“No way, I needs it. It’s a pretty pet but not as good as my Duke.” Duke barked like he agreed. “Wook, I got abutterfwyon my jammies, which means we match and it’s my best friend!”
“You gotta cut some wood for it?” Colin kept on at Cash, who I could see was overwhelmed. “Do you think I could cut it for you? I think I can do a saw really good because I’m gettin’ somestrong muscles because I’m already five. Did you know that, Mr. Cash?”
Cash grunted at him as he focused between the measuring tape he was using and jotting something on a notepad he had at his side.
“He not Mr. Cash,” Eva drawled. “He Mr. BigGwumpyGiant!” Eva popped higher on her toes with each word, her little feet vibrating the porch below her as she attempted to bat the poor butterfly out of the sky.
A heavy sigh pilfered out of Cash, and he sat back on his haunches and swiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand.
Immediately, those eyes traveled to me.
A perfect parallel to the forest that surrounded him. Every shade of green and warm browns and the barest flecks of yellow. Though where the forest whispered of peace, his shouted of turmoil.
A beast who lurked in the camouflage.
But there was something more there.
The way his attention slowly roved over me as he found me frozen in the doorway.
I found myself unable to move beneath the weight of his gaze.
“I think I can be your good helper,” Colin continued. “You got a toolbox? How about I go get a hammer? Hammers are really heavy, did you know that? If you get a big one. But maybe you got a little one.”
Colin just kept on while Cash had me pinned with his gaze.
The promise he made last night carried around us like a haunted dream.
A millstone he had around his neck. The burden great.
Though there was something so staunch and determined in his expression that I knew he meant what he said.
He would do whatever was required to protect my family, even if it meantthis.
“Hi,” I finally whispered, staring right at him.
