I would be ready for any of them.
Inhaling a steadying breath, I forced myself to focus on what needed to be done here. With Daisy.
I punched in the code to the lock on the door and peered out. Voices carried from the children’s room, and I stepped out, making sure the door was locked tight before I moved down the hall.
Daisy was in the room on her knees drying Addy’s hair.
“Going to grab a few things from my room while you’re not in there.”
Daisy glanced at me. Cornflower eyes filled with the overwhelming emotion of the day. “It’s your room, Cash. You don’t need my permission.”
I only gave her a jut of my chin before I crossed the house and pushed open the door to my room. My attention immediately went to the closet on the left.
A dim light flooded out, whispering like some kind of fucked-up beacon.
That toil in my stomach only twisted. An excruciating knot that made it feel like it was squeezing the life out of me.
I warred, feet heavy.
Guilt assaulting me on all sides, but there was some faraway moan in the recesses of my spirit that told me this was okay. Thatshewould have wanted this. She would have wanted me to stand for Daisy and those kids this way.
Swallowing around the ball of razors in my throat, I eased into my closet. Feeling like the floor was uneven beneath my feet.
The walls tilting.
The world spinning.
I moved to the back where I kept the few possessions that remained, and I reached overhead to pull the wooden box from the shelf.
I knelt and set it on the floor, felt like I was being slammed upside the head as I opened it.
The crushing of memories. The love and the joy and the utter pain that had been left in their wake.
I sifted through their things until I found what I was looking for. My lungs closed off as I reached for the little velvet bag where it was stored.
Before I lost my nerve, I slammed the lid closed, grabbed the box and set it back on the shelf, then shoved the small bag into my front pocket.
It was amazing that something so tiny could feel like it weighed a million pounds.
It was almost as heavy as the coaxing energy that came from outside my room.
The draw that persuaded and captivated.
Unavoidable.
I moved through it like I was wading through sludge, heart frantic as I moved out of the closet and to my bedroom door.
With my hand on the knob, I hesitated, wondering if I truly had pushed past a barrier where there would be no return. Wondering if after all of this was said and done, I’d cease to exist.
I clicked open my bedroom door right at the same time as Eva came running from their room.
She held a book over her head and had the teddy bear I’d picked out for her tucked under her other arm. Barefoot and long brown hair wet from her bath. Wearing her little butterfly pajamas.
“I want my Mr. BigGwumpyGiant toweadto me!” she hollered.
Daisy emerged behind her, her cheeks flushed from obviously trying to wrangle all three children.
“How about Mommy reads the story to you?” she tried to persuade.
