She whimpers when I try to set her in the passenger seat, her arms tightening around my neck.
“Okay,” I murmur. “Okay, sweetheart. Hold on.”
I slide in with her still in my lap, her skirt bunched up around her thighs. The door slams shut, muffling Craig’s continued taunts about my betrayal, my cowardice, and how I’m not welcome in Black River anymore.
My hands shake as I start the engine. Not from fear, but from the effort of not going back out there and tearing him apart. But Carla needs me more than I need to defend my honor.
She’s so small in my arms, curled into herself like she’s trying to disappear. Her breathing is too fast, too shallow.
Panic attack. Full blown.
“Breathe with me,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady despite my rage. “In through your nose. Out through your mouth. That’s it.”
The drive home is a blur. I take corners too fast, probably breaking several traffic laws, but I need to get her somewhere safe. Away from reminders of Black River and what happened to her there.
At the cabin, I carry her inside, kicking the door shut behind us. She’s still shaking, still lost in whatever nightmare Craig’spresence triggered. I sink onto the couch with her straddling my lap, her face still hidden against my neck. Her skirt pools around us, and I can feel her trembling thighs pressed against mine.
“You’re safe,” I murmur, rubbing circles on her back. “You’re home. He can’t hurt you here.”
Gradually, her breathing evens out. The trembling lessens, but she doesn’t lift her head, doesn’t loosen her death grip on my shirt.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers against my neck.
“For what?” My hand cups the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Dinner was perfect and then I just... froze.” Her voice cracks. “I couldn’t even speak. And you. He was saying those things about you, about your father, and you just walked away.”
I try not to be offended that she thinks I’m so much of a hothead that I’d jump straight into a fight with an idiot like that. That’s exactly what he wants.
“Because you needed me.” I pull back enough to see her face and cup her cheeks. Tears track down her face, and I brush them away with my thumbs. “His opinion about me doesn’t matter. Yours does.”
He can hate me all he wants. The only person I want to like me is right here.
“But he called you a coward. Said you betrayed…”
“I know what he said.” I hold her gaze. “And I’d do it all again. Saving you wasn’t a betrayal. It was the first right thing I’ve done in years.”
She searches my eyes, then rocks against me cautiously. The movement sends heat straight through me.
“I don’t feel strong,” she whispers. “I feel... empty. Numb. Except for when you touch me.”
Her hands slide up my chest, fingers spreading over my shoulders.
“Then I feel everything.”
“Carla...” My voice comes out rough.
“Make me feel something else,” she pleads, rolling her hips again. “Please. I need to replace this fear with something good.”
My control is hanging by a thread. She’s warm and soft in my lap, her scent changing from fear to something sweeter. Need.
“Are you sure?” I search her face. “We don’t have to do anything.”
She silences me with a kiss, desperate and hungry.
I groan against her mouth, my hands sliding to her hips. She tastes like chocolate from our shared dessert, sweet and addictive.
“Please,” she breathes against my lips. “I need you. Need to feel alive.”
