Gideon was acutely conscious of passers by, not listening perhaps, but aware of the tone of the conversation. Jeremy bantered, peppering his exclamations with chuckles and chortles, grinning all the time. An observer would say that these were two gentlemen ribbing each other over battles on the school playing field. There were a thousand such conversations happening at that moment, all over Hyde Park.
Gideon smirked. “A Dukedom is a cruel master. Responsibility for the livelihood of others is a heavy burden to bear.”
He felt as though every muscle in his body was tense. The casual reference to a shared past, a boyhood together, ignited all the fears he carried. Exposure, weakness, the dangerous connection between past and present. Catherine’s hand brushed his subtly, a grounding touch that reminded him why he remained beside her.
He stole a glance at her; she looked composed, luminous. There was compassion in her eyes, and he marveled at it. A moment ago, they had been arguing, about to march away from each other. A moment ago, only the need to keep up appearances had held them together.
Then she changed, her emotions pivoting on the head of a pin. The sight of her lips, compressed at the corners of her mouth, dimpling her cheeks, made his chest tighten. It reminded him, painfully, of all the feelings he had tried to repress. Desire, protectiveness, longing.
“She manipulates you,” Aaron whispered from behind his shoulder, “she is an adversary and you cannot see it. Pathetic.”
“So many men exaggerate the stories of their past to reflect themselves in a good light,” Catherine began, “I think my husband has been brutally honest in not denying the claims Lord Everdon has made. It makes me think that of the two, Winchester is being more truthful.”
It was a shield thrown up in front of Gideon. Whether Jeremy meant his words as an attack or not, Catherine felt it so and wanted to protect her husband.
“Everdon cannot be trusted to tell you the color of the sky,” Gideon said with a grin, “and certainly not his scholastic record.”
Everdon guffawed and nodded. Isabella smiled prettily, and a look passed between them, sharing the humor. Gideon looked to Catherine, who had seen the same thing. She glanced at him. Their eyes locked for a long heartbeat. Those gold flecks in her eyes never ceased to entice him. So unique. So magical.
He thought that he saw an amnesty in her gaze, did not understand where it had come from, but examined his own feelings.
Do I suspect her? Does she manipulate me? Is that simply fear of… of attachment?
As they walked, he resolved, quietly, that he would maintain control. He could not deny that Catherine’s presence, her vitality, the blazing fire in her eyes had unsettled him in ways nothing else could. The day, the park, the people around him, all of it now carried the weight of the unknown.
And through it, Catherine remained beside him, unyielding, vibrant, and achingly alive.
He would guard her. He would not falter.
But he would need to navigate this delicate balance: the public appearance, the lingering intimacy, and the shadow of his hidden past that now threatened to follow him even into the open air of Hyde Park.
And beneath it all, he could not ignore the simple, undeniable truth.
He needed her.
More than he could admit.
CHAPTER 24
The journey back to Caerleon was silent. Catherine sat with her hands clasped tight in her lap, her thoughts in endless motion. Anger still burned in her, anger at Gideon’s evasions, his refusal to trust her with his truth. Yet even as resentment rose, so too did sympathy. She had seen the look in his eyes when the boy called him ‘General’.
Fear, yes, but also shame? What could he be hiding that is so bad?
She could not stop herself from swinging like a pendulum, one moment away from him, the next moment drawn back irresistibly. Desire tangled with doubt, attraction warred with mistrust.
Who is he, truly? He is certainly not the boy I knew.
Aaron Tarnley, the Aaron that she had known, was gentle and kind, always smiling. Quite like the description Viscount Everdon had given.
The adult Aaron was cold and guarded. His walls were high and his defences ferocious. But there was warmth there. She had seen glimpses of it.
Aaron had gone with her to Haventon to confront her Aunt and Uncle. He had sat vigil with her through her ordeal to free herself from the poppy juice. Then he had filled the lodge with flowers. She did not know for certain that he had done so, but something told her that it was him.
The sight of him sleeping on the floor, unable to leave her side, was one that filled Catherine with warmth. Those were not the acts of a cruel man.
And yet the street urchin was so afraid of him?And why had the boy called him the General?
It was inexplicable. The questions gnawed at her. Could she live with him as he was now, leaving the past untouched? Or would the shadows always lie between them? Could she forget that he was a different person from the one she had known? Simply accept him as he was?
