“It’s warm,” I murmur. “And it smells like Jackson.”
“It’s still gross,” Deacon repeats, handing me a box of tissues, which I grudgingly accept before setting them on the carpet in front of the sofa. “Jackson’s not going to be impressed with what you’ve done to his hoodie.”
“He won’t mind,” I say quietly. “He never minds.”
“Sky, please just talk to me,” Deacon says. “Come on, what’s going on? Maybe I can help?”
I give a slow shake of my head, once again wiping my face with Jackson’s sleeve. “You can’t help. Not unless you have a DeLorean and a flux capacitor and can go back in time and punch yourself in the face before your ruined my life.”
Deacon’s brows shoot up. “How did I ruin your life?”
“Why did you have to tell me?” I moan. “About…the feelings…”
Realization finally flashes across Deacon’s face and he lets his eyes fall closed for a moment, breathing out a soft, “Fuck.”
“Everything’s ruined now,” I sob.
“Come on, Sky…it might not be.”
I nod. “Yes, it is.”
“This is Jackson we’re talking about. He’s not going to stop being friends with you because you have feelings for him.”
“I know that,” I say in a harsh growl, glaring at Deacon. This isn’t some silly fight between friends, or even a break-up. The fundamental nature of the relationship that is the centerpiece of my existence is changing; I know it’s not going to be for the better, so that can only mean it’s for the worse. For the first time in our entire relationship, Jackson and I aren’t on the same page. We’re not in sync with one another. And we won’t ever be again. “I know he won’t friend-dump me,” I say a little more softly when I register the alarm on Deacon’s face. “He won’t want anything to change.”
“And that’s bad…?”
“You can’t unsee the Monopoly guy’s doppelganger on the Pringles can, Deacon,” I grumble. “Everythinghaschanged. We can’t even cuddle anymore.”
Deacon’s brows shoot up. “He doesn’t want to cuddle you?”
“Of course he wants to!” I grumble, growing frustrated. “I said wecan’t.Tonight I started…doing things…” I bite my lip as a flush of shame hits my cheeks.
“What do you mean?” Deacon asks warily, his expression uncharacteristically tight.
“We were cuddling and I…I don’t know, I guess my hands just got curious all of a sudden. It was like I just couldn’t stop touching him. All over his chest and abs. And then I started…um…kissing his back…”
“And he didn’t like that?”
“No, the opposite,” I clarify. “Hereallyliked that.”
Deacon blinks at me in obvious surprise. “I don’t get it. If he liked it, what’s the issue?”
I push myself up into a seated position so I can look at Deacon properly. “The issue is he wasn’t turned on by it, and he had no fucking clue that I was. It’s creepy and weird.”
Deacon arches a skeptical brow. “Are yousurehe wasn’t? I mean, if you were kissing his back and he told you he liked it…”
I let out a soft sigh, shaking my head. “It’s Jackson. He’s…” I wave a hand in the air as I search for the right word. “Sensitive, I guess. There wasn’t anything sexual about his reaction. We may as well have been at the beach with me slathering him with sunblock.”
Deacon nods in comprehension. “Got it. But you…”
I let my eyes fall closed, wincing at the knowledge of how close I came to completely annihilating the most precious thing in my world. “I was so close,” I whisper. “If I hadn’t stopped when I did, I think I might have…”
I feel Deacon’s hand settle on my knee in a gesture of calm reassurance. “But you did stop, Sky. And, for what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s a matter of a lucky close call. You’re just simply not capable of doing anything that might hurt Jackson. It’s like it’s written in your DNA or something.”
I shrug half-heartedly. “Maybe…”
Deacon sighs and gets to his feet. “I’m really sorry this is happening, buddy,” he murmurs regretfully. “I honestly didn’t realize what the fallout might be when I had that epiphany last night.”
