Her mother, a vision in a white sari, accepted condolences and sat close to the casket. Kaavi didn’t even bother to look at his body.
She stood against a wall nearby. Neel seemed to be busy with her uncle and Sen, making sure everything ran smoothly.
Her aunt, grandfather and Shona sat next to her mother.
Rikesh and Tarisha were behind them and Neel’s family was in the row behind. They were probably horrified by what they were witnessing. The only other people there, apart from the officiating priest, were from the funeral home.
The silence in the small hall attached to the funeral home was suffocating, but Kaavi held it together.
The priest asked if anyone wanted to say a few words. Silence. Then there was shuffling. Her grandfather stood.
‘I’d like to say something.’
He made his way to the podium. He didn’t need a microphone so he swatted the funeral home employee away.
‘I’m not going to talk about Jay. I’m not going to talk about what should have been and could have been. I want to say a few words about something else. Pain, in its rawest form, has engulfed our family for a long time. I watched a rose,myrose, wither away.’ He stopped and looked at his daughter. ‘I witnessed injustice in its cruellest form. I didn’t truly know what injustice meant until …’ His voice broke.
Kaavi turned away, her body spontaneously contracted into a half-foetal position against the wall. She heard sounds coming out her mouth. Loud, involuntary sobs. She couldn’t stop it. She was crying uncontrollably. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She expected it to be Neel, but it wasn’t. It was her mother.
‘Sweet girl, it’s going to be okay,’ she whispered and embraced Kaavi.
Her grandfather started speaking again.
‘Forgiveness is not an easy path. It is not about forgetting orexcusing the hurt we have endured. Instead, it is about freeing ourselves from the chains that shackle us. It is about letting go of the anger and resentment that are weighing us down. It is about recognising that, while we cannot change the past, we have the power to find peace … to be happy … to be free. Free.’
‘I’m okay, Mom,’ Kaavi said and led her mother back to her seat. She returned to her spot against the wall.
She refused to look anyone in the eyes. The priest was saying something, but she wasn’t even listening. She saw the pallbearers from the funeral home prepare to carry the casket out. She glanced at the doorway and that’s when she saw it: a uniform. She felt the impending doom surge through her veins. When she looked up, her cousin was watching her.
Neel was standing to the side with Sen. He wanted to rush to Kaavi when she’d started crying, but when he saw her mother stand, he knew it would be better to let her go.
Suddenly Sen wheeled round to the doorway. He saw what Kaavi had seen: a policeman was waiting outside.
Sen pushed Neel towards Kaavi. ‘Go to her now!’
He rushed to the door while Neel strode to Kaavi’s side. She was gasping for air.
‘I’m here,’ whispered Neel.
She dug her fingernails into his hand and he wrapped her in his arms.
‘Breathe. Just breathe. I got you,’ he said, reminding himself about the tips he’d read online about panic attacks.
She nodded.
‘No one can hurt you. I’m here,’ he said.
It felt like a lifetime with her gasping for air while he reassured her.
‘I love you. You’re safe right now. You’re with me. Let’s focus on breathing together, in through your nose, out through your mouth.’
He started breathing that way with her.
‘You’re doing great, Kaavi. There we go. You’re doing great. Do you remember the time we decided we had to learn to cook or we would starve to death? You signed us up for cooking lessons! You’re lucky I loved you so much to actually go through with it, even if I almost got us kicked out of the first class.’
She was no longer gasping. It was only then that Neel noticed the silence in the hall. He looked up. Everyone was watching them. There wasn’t a single dry eye in the room. Even Natara was wiping away tears.
Sen approached them calmly.
