“Yes,” she managed. “He was.”
“We’re in the shit,” Eshara said grimly. “It was a miracle we left that room. It’ll be an even greater miracle if we make it to Irinah. Keep walking. Don’t look behind us.”
“He may be following us,” said Arwa, breathless, struggling to keep up with Eshara’s brisk pace. “Or his men, he may—”
“Keep. Walking.”
They made it across the courtyard, nearly to their sleeping quarters. Then Eshara dragged Arwa into the shadows of a stall and leaned forward, breathing unevenly.
“Eshara…”
“Get Zahir,” she said. “We can’t stay here now.Your eyes, they couldn’t stop speaking of your damnable eyes. What is wrong with them, anyway?”
“Ash,” Arwa said tightly. “It doesn’t matter.”
“They look almost normal now at least,” Eshara said. “Better for us. Those men will be looking for us soon enough, after all. When the drink and—whatever that captain was suffering—wears off.” Eshara pressed a hand on her face. She swore violently.
Arwa didn’t move. She stood still, day’s heat around her, fear curling unnatural fingers along her spine. She knew Eshara felt it too. She could not blame her for shattering. But she also couldn’t ignore Eshara’s strength, the curl of her fists… the memory of the men of Darez Fort turning on one another, as the fear ate them whole.
“I hate being this afraid,” Eshara said suddenly. Her voice was savage.
“All is well, Eshara.”
“Don’t tell me what’s well. It isn’t.”
Arwa swallowed.
“Fine, then,” she said. “It isn’t.”
Deep breaths. Eshara straightened.
“You must think I am easily cowed,” said Eshara, clenching and unclenching her fists. “The bodies we found sickened me. I can’t sleep alone. But I’m not afraid of death or of killing. I was a guardswoman. I knew my duty, and there’s no shame in death. It’s what I was trained for. But what was done to Reya, to my fellow guardswomen…” Eshara shook her head. “She was loyal. They were all loyal. We deserved better. It has… shaken me. And the damnable curse on this place doesn’thelp.”
Eshara began to pace, for all the world like a creature caged.
“Perhaps you think because I am a Hidden One that I wasn’t truly loyal,” Eshara said, suddenly savage.
“I know you were loyal,” said Arwa. But Eshara was not listening.
“Zahir’s mother,” said Eshara, “offered her skills to save the Empire. She did more than simply cajole the Emperor with soft words and flattery. She took a risk. The others hated her for it, but I thought it was brave. I still do. How much can you really do to save an Empire from the shadows?” She made a vague, fierce gesture with one hand. Kept on pacing. “I protect him because I believe in his purpose, in the power of knowledge, oftruth. But I protected the imperial women because I am loyal to the Empire, and to everything it offers us. Safety. A future. A purpose.”
“You think noblewomen are pampered fools,” Arwa said, because ah, she had nosense.
Eshara looked at her.
“The Empire,” she said, “is not a group of pampered women. It is not the Maha. It isn’t even anEmperoranymore.” She spat the wordEmperor, heavy with all her hate for Parviz. For what he had done. “But all of those elements maintain the Empire, and I do my part to ensure that the structure of our world does not shatter. I do my part to keep it whole so we can make it better.” She stretched out her hands. “And yet here we are. The world breaking around us. Isn’t it?”
Sickness. Terror. Dead imperial sons. Failed harvests. Hunger stretching its hands across the provinces.
“That’s what the curse on the Empire is, I suppose,” said Arwa. “All the ways the Empire is fragmenting. Turning to dust.”
Eshara had stopped pacing. She stood now, wavering on her feet.
“We are better than this,” she said numbly. “Stronger than this. More glorious than this. We have to be.”
“We need to get Zahir,” Arwa said, with more gentleness than she thought herself capable of. “We need to take him and hide, and do our best to ensure he survives and reaches Irinah. Hold on to that, Eshara.”
“Yes,” Eshara said. “Yes. All right. I will.”
