“You had bigger issues than mine.” I say, keeping my voice in the same tone as his. It’s almost as if this conversation between us is a secret. Just for the two of us. Even if no one is around to listen, it’s an understanding between us. One that doesn’t need more words.A pact.
“Aaron is more than capable of taking care of the situation.”
He says and starts the car again. His eyes return to the road. He navigates the road carefully, like he has been here a million times. My mind drifts between lanes that it really has no point going to, thinking about how many girls he has driven here before. How many times has he ridden this road on his bike with a girl holding him tight on the back of it?
“I am not taking you there to hook up if that’s what you are thinking.”
He explains what I assume he thinks is what I am thinking. “I don’t use this spot for that. Never have.” He explains more, hitting exactly what is on my mind this time.
“Why are we here then?”
I question, not really thinking before the words leave my mouth. A hint of desperation in my voice.
“Because this place has always helped me clear my mind. I didn’t know where to take you. I didn’t want to force you to be in a close space with me by driving you to your apartment, and my house is clearly not an option. A hotel seemed weird too, which is probably where I am staying tonight anyway.”
He takes an audible breath, then continues.
“So, this.” He points with his hand to the road ahead of us. “This seemed like a good place to spend a few hours until you are back to your senses.”
I smile. A smile that seems like it’s the first in months and is actually genuine. But the realization that it isn’t hits me immediately. This man has me smiling all day for him without even trying.
“Thank you.” I say this time my voice sounds more confident. This time I mean it. I know he deserves it. He deserves my gratitude.
“No need to thank me Pinkie. I did it for myself, really. If you had shot him and missed, I would probably have to finish the job.” He chuckles. “Don’t get me wrong; being locked up in a cell with you sounds like a fun time, but I rather be free with you instead.”
I smirk as my own fingers brush the fabric of his jeans, traveling across his thigh for a moment before I retreat my hand and set it on my thigh instead. He turns to look at me with a puzzled expression, causing my smirkto grow.
“I wouldn’t mind being locked in a close space with you.” I say while looking out the window, avoiding his gaze.
“I am sure we will have plenty of opportunities for that, pinkie.”
He says with a wink as he parks the car. He opens his door and exits, and I do the same, following him to the front of the car. He leans against the hood as he reaches into his pocket, bringing out a packet of cigarettes. He takes one and offers me the open package, and I repeat his motion, taking one for myself. Smoking is not my thing, but from time to time, I indulge in a bad habit or two, usually with a man who is just as bad for me.
I bring the cigarette to my lips, pressing them around the filter. Ash flicks his lighter and brings the fire close to light the one my lips hold before helights his next. We don’t talk, silently smoking as the night falls around us. Lights from afar, all over town, shine like stars in the dark hour. Silence wraps around us like a security blanket. It’s as if we are the only two people left on earth. I used to dread that type of silence. It was as if all the things that come lurking in the night would be awaken at any moment, and I would be their prey. But here. with him, it’s as if this silence is the best thing to have happened to me in a while.
I take a long drag of my cigarette, watching the ash grow before flicking it to the ground. My eyes follow the ash as it scatters, mixing with the dirt, before the cigarette follows it with the same motion of my fingers. I turn to look at Ash, only to find him looking at me. Observing me as if I am a work of art that has escaped the finest museum. He seems mesmerized by the view, eventhough the one in front of us is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Yet he seems to have eyes only for me.
“It’s his loss.”
He says in a low voice, and it’s almost like he is always talking in a low, calming tone. As if he is talking to a wild animal ready to flee at any time, which wouldn’t be exactly an exaggeration. I have been known to be a flight risk. But with the men I date, who would blame me?
“Is it?” I mimic his tone, with every word kept in a low tone but with a hint of flirtation between them.
He scoots a little closer, his eyes still fixated on me as if he is scared of losing me from his sight. They drift for a mere moment to my lips, then back to my eyes. I blink once and take an audible breath, trying to compose myself as this man closes the last few inches of space between us.
His body lifts from the hood, and he takes a calculated step, rotating his body in the process until he is right in front of me. His body between my open legs. He leans over, causing me to back up until my elbows land on the hood. The only thing keeping me from lying on it. I fix my eyes into his. Holding his gaze.
“Pinkie, any man on this earth would be grateful to have you, but only a fool would be stupid enough to lose you.”
Every word tugs at a string inside me that I didn’t know was loose. Both calming the little girl inside me with daddy issues that chases every man like a lost puppy and praising the woman that I like to pretend I am.
The one that punches assholes in the face and points guns at others in a street full of cops. I would like to say that they are two different people,but that would only be a lie. They are bothme.
“You deserve a man who would put himself in front of your gun, dare you to shoot him. Because he knows he has nothing to hide and has done nothing wrong.”
Every word is like a stitch in my soul. They mend every wound that has remained open for way too long.
“You don’t deserve a coward who would be scared of you.”
