“Everyone keeps saying that. Doesn’t make it hurt less.” I grunted.
“I know. But it’s still true.”
“What am I going to do?”
“Whatever you need,” Mal said from where he was standing. “We will figure it out.”
I still didn’t look at him. Daphne glanced between us but didn’t comment.
“Will we?” I asked.
“Yes. Together.”
“I don’t know if I can do ‘together’ right now.”
“Then I will wait until you can.”
The room fell quiet except for Killian’s soft breathing. Daphne was holding my hand. Mal was standing a few feet away, looking like he wanted desperately to help but had no idea how.
And I was sitting there, feeling completely lost.
Later that evening, after Daphne had left with promises to check on me tomorrow, after Aurion had dragged Mal away for what looked like a very pointed brotherly conversation, I was putting Killian to bed in my room.
Killian was half-asleep already, his eyes drooping as I tucked the blankets around him.
“Mama,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his fists. “Why don’t we sleep with Papa anymore?”
My throat tightened. Mal had been sleeping in his office, but I couldn’t tell that to Killian. “It’s complicated, sweetheart.”
“What’s comp-lee-cated mean?”
“It means Mama and Papa are working through something. Like when you and your friend have a disagreement and need time apart.”
“But I miss when we all had sleepovers together. It was warmer.” His voice was so sad.
“I know, baby.”
“Papa’s really sad. I feel it here.” He touched his chest, right over his heart. “Like big sad. Really really big sad.”
“You can feel Papa’s feelings?”
He nodded sleepily. “Uh-huh. And you’re sad too. Why is everyone so sad?”
“Grown-up stuff, sweetheart.”
“Grown-up stuff makes everyone sad. I don’t want to grow up if it makes me sad all the time.”
“You have a lot of time before you have to worry about that. Many years of being a kid first. Get some sleep.”
“Can Papa come sleep here too? So he’s not sad anymore?”
I hesitated, my hand stilling on his hair. “Maybe.”
“Good,” Killian mumbled, already drifting off.
I kissed his forehead and walked to the door. I knew Mal was out there. I could feel him through the bond, even though I’d been blocking him out for days. His presence was like a constant hum just under my awareness.
I opened the door. He was leaning against the wall in the hallway, looking worn and uncertain and so pathetically hopeful when he saw me.
