I looked over at Aurion who was still standing uselessly by the door. He’d gone from pale to a distinctly greenish tint. “If you’re going to throw up, please leave the room first. I have enough to deal with.”
“I’m not going to throw up.”
“You genuinely look like you might throw up. And you’re gripping the doorframe like it’s the only thing keeping you upright.”
“I’m fine. I’m just providing moral support from a safe distance.”
Another contraction hit and this time I screamed loud enough that I was pretty sure they could hear me in the reception hall. The pain was unbelievable, beyond anything I’d ever experienced. Every nerve ending in my body was on fire. My entire abdomen felt like it was being crushed.
“I need drugs,” I said when I could speak again. “Do you have drugs here? Pain medication? An epidural? Literally anything?”
“We have some herbal remedies that can help dull the pain,” the healer explained. “But they might slow down labor significantly.”
“I don’t care if they slow it down. Just make it stop hurting.”
“The baby will come faster if you don’t take them. Your body will be able to work more efficiently.”
This was torture and archaic. I wished we were in a fucking hospital.
“How much faster are we talking?”
“It’s impossible to say. Every birth is different. But the herbs can add several hours.”
I looked at Mal desperately. He looked back at me with fear and love and anguish written all over his face. “What do you think I should do?”
“I think you should do whatever makes you most comfortable,” he said immediately. “If you want the herbs, take the herbs. I do not care how long this takes.”
“But it might make labor significantly longer.”
“I do not care if it takes three days. I just want you to be in less pain.”
Another contraction hit before I could respond and made my decision for me. This one was even worse than the last. I bent forward as much as I could and gripped Mal’s hand so hard I was genuinely surprised I didn’t break his fingers.
“Fuck the herbs,” I gasped. “Let’s just get this over with as fast as possible.”
Time became extremely strange after that. Contractions came in relentless waves, each one worse than the last. Each one leaving me more exhausted and sweaty and wanting to die.
I lost all track of how long we’d been there. Could’ve been one hour, could’ve been ten. Could’ve been three weeks for all I knew. Everything blurred together into pain and breathing exercises and more pain.
“You’re doing so well,” Sorcha kept saying while wiping my face.
“I’m really not,” I panted. “I’m doing terribly. This is terrible.”
“You’re bringing life into the world. That’s the opposite of terrible.”
“Tell that to my body which is currently trying to kill me.”
Mal was still holding my hand through everything. He’d gone pale himself at some point. His eyes were red-rimmed like he’d been crying.
“I am so sorry,” he kept saying. “This is my fault. I did this to you.”
“You’re damn right you did.”
“I will never forgive myself.”
“Good. Hold onto that guilt. I’m going to use it for years.”
“I can see the head!” the healer announced at some point that might’ve been two hours in or six hours in. Time had lost all meaning.
