Was that ethical? Was it even legal?
Not that she minded being beholden to Aunt Eleanor, but there would be relief in having some financial independence.
A woman had very few options.
She was either owned by her father or her husband.
Having neither, Lilly, finally, was in ownership of herself. And with that ownership came responsibility. She intended to honor that responsibility far better than her father or husband had.
As Lilly resumed her work, another thought loomed.
When—if—Glenda were to marry Mr. Joseph Spencer,there would always be the chance Lilly would encounter both Lady Natalie and Michael—as a married couple. They would be duke and duchess then. They would have children.
Lilly nearly gasped at the thought.
Lady Natalie was close to Aunt Eleanor. In fact, Lilly had learned Lady Natalie was Aunt Eleanor’s goddaughter. Good Lord! She addressed Lilly’s own aunt asAunt Eleanor!
There would be no reprieve.
Lilly must make her own way. She loved her aunt, but she, herself, was going to need some time to get over all of this.
Andif,by some miracle,she were carrying, she could never tell Michael. Even though it would be her deepest desire, she could not allow herself to do so. For if he knew, then either one of two things would happen.
Most likely, he would carry her off to Gretna Green for a hasty marriage to protect her and the child. Unfortunately, later he would realize he had ruined all of his political plans as well as relationships with the Earl of Ravensdale and other peers. He would come to realize he had shirked his responsibility to his tenants and dishonored his title, in his own eyes anyway.
He was a man of honor.
In the hours they’d traveled together on the way to London not so long ago, he had gone on at length about how exorbitant corn prices were harming people who had worked and lived on his land holdings for generations. He was deeply committed to this duty to them.
In the long term, if Michael shirked his duties as duke, he would ultimately come to resent her. And then their love, most certainly, would result in ashes.
She did not wish to find herself—ever again—tied to a man who resented her—a man who did not respect her.
And what of Lady Natalie? She would be jilted and heartbroken. Well, perhaps not heartbroken, but what would shethink of Lilly? Would she believe Lilly had intentionally betrayed her?
The second course of action Michael could possibly take would be unendurable as well. Because it was possible he would go on to marry Lady Natalie anyway. He could perhaps offer to set Lilly up as his mistress.
Except she did not truly believe he would ever do that to Lady Natalie.
No, he would pay her a sum of money, not acknowledge his own child, and require her to disappear discreetly. But what had he said to her?Hurting you is the last thing in the world I ever wanted to do.In her heart, she did not believe Michael could actuallydo such a thing, but people had disappointed her in the past.
She did not care to give another person such an opportunity to fail her. No, Lilly decided adamantly, if she wereenceinte, she would find a way to hide it until she could go away.
And grow her own damn garden, thank you!
All these thoughts were ludicrous at this point.
But what if she could go away on her own?
She would need an income that would provide for either the purchase or rent of a small cottage, enough for living, and perhaps enough to retain a housekeeper. It would not be an unheard-of amount.
She would not have to see Michael—on holidays, at family gatherings—with his wife…his children…She could avoid all that.
Hope rose inside her. Hope that she could take some control of her life and refuse to be manipulated by others again. Even though she could not possibly be with child, she began to form a plan. For regardless, she would not allow herself to wallow in self-pity while Michael married his bride.
She would be far away.
And eventually the pain would recede.
