Surely that had been true emotion.
Or, as a niggling doubt entered her mind, did all men tremble when they were sexually aroused? Could he have possibly been only physically stimulated while being indifferent to her emotionally?
During that awful two weeks, Lilly spent so much time crying into her bed linens, it was a wonder she hadn’t soaked the mattress completely. After a few days of this, Betty had wondered aloud that she had any tears left at all.
Her eyes were puffy, and her stomach tied in knots. She would hear a carriage in front of the town house and feel a giddy sense of relief, but when inevitably it wasn’t him, she fell into an even deeper despair than before.
Two full weeks passed, and her father announced he would wait no longer. It was time to return to Plymouth.
And although she was devastated, Lilly also felt a sense of relief. He would contact her eventually. Unless he was dead. Which he had better be!
No, no, no, Lord, she didn’t mean that! Everything was wrong now. Even her own thoughts.
Having been too upset to eat much over the past few weeks, Lilly listlessly climbed into her father’s coach the morning of departure. A part of her kept watching, hoping. But there was nothing. No last-minute arrival with a perfectly reasonable explanation for being tardy. In a dress that hung loosely, now,on her diminished frame, Lilly departed London with little hope to cling to.
Several times, as they drove, her mother pulled out her handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. “What did you do, Lilly? Why did he not come? Is it as I feared? Were you too forward? Were you too fast? Did you not listen to me when I told you a man would lose interest if you gave yourself to him too quickly?” And then she would moan and turn her head to look out the window.
With two days of this, Lilly’s mood plummeted further.
Lilly’s father, who normally rode his own mount outside, traveled most of the distance inside of the carriage with Lilly and her mother. On the second day, he made an announcement.
“I have received word from Lord Beauchamp. He is willing to take you on as his wife.”
Lilly had been slumped pathetically against the side of the carriage with her face leaned against the window when her father began speaking. Upon absorbing his words, however, she sat up straight and alert.
“But Papa?—”
He did not allow her to interrupt him. “I am not well, Lilly.” He looked to his wife who nodded in agreement. “I do not know how much longer I have on this earth. Something is growing inside of me, disrupting the functioning of my organs. Nothing can be done.”
“That cannot be! You do not act as though you are sick!” And then looking at him, she saw that her father was much thinner than he had been when she and her mother had left Plymouth earlier that spring. How had she not noticed? Had she been so wrapped up in her own concerns she did not notice her father was failing? “Surely the doctor can do something!”
But her father was already shaking his head side to side. “Ihave seen three different physicians, and all of them have given me the same prognosis. I will be lucky to survive till the year’s end.”
Her mother was dabbing at her eyes again. Lilly sat silently, trying to absorb the truth of her father’s words.
Lilly was torn between the shock of sadness upon hearing her father speak of his own demise and the fear of being forced to marry Rose’s widower.
“You must see my predicament, Daughter. I cannot have peace until my affairs are in order. I must secure a home, a living, for you and your mother.”
Again, Lilly went to speak, but he held out his hand. “I realize you believed this young captain of yours was planning on offering for you, but it is rumored both his father and brother have passed. If that’s the case, then he is now the Duke of Cortland. Which explains, of course, why he did not come as promised.” He sent her a hard stare and then spoke in a stern voice. “He is a duke now, Lilly, far above our social status. Even if he was still inclined to do so, he’s most certainly been advised against marrying so far below his station. You must accept the fact that he has not come. He is not going to. He may have planned on offering for you before but…His absence speaks louder than words ever could.”
Lilly held her hand over her mouth. A duke? He was a duke now? And both his father and brother, dead!Oh, Michael, why have you not come to me? Why have you not come to tell me in person? Did you not think I would understand? Would she have? Could she have released him with her blessing?
And then a sob escaped. He was not coming. He was never coming!
Her mother crossed the space between the two seats and wrapped Lilly in her arms. “Oh, my darling, it will be all right. Remember the Lord doesn’t give us hardships we are unable to bear.” Lilly felt her mother’s lips upon her forehead and thensoothing hands upon her back, but all she could think was that there had been no mistake. Michael had intentionally abandoned her.
He would not marry her now—hecouldnot marry her now.
“I’ve notified the vicar, and he’s willing to perform the ceremony as soon as we arrive home. It will be a relief to know you and your mother will be cared for after I am gone.”
These words only pierced her heart further. What would they do without Papa? She searched her father’s face. He believed this news about Lord Beauchamp was something she might welcome.
Now that the scales had fallen from her eyes, she realized her papa did indeed look tired and somewhat haggard. Not only was his frame shrunken, but his hair looked thinner too. There was a yellowing around his golden eyes, so very much like hers. His gaze pleaded with her.
“You will do as I ask?” Now he spoke to her in a voice that was vulnerable.
“Marry Lord Beauchamp?” she confirmed.
