Imagining the ducal seat, Lilly could not help but contemplate what it had been like for him to return to his father’s home in the midst of an epidemic.
“How did you do it? How did you cope with the aftermath of the fever?” Lilly had been angry with him for not finding her, but she wasn’t such a fool that she didn’t understand he’d likely been under a tremendous amount of stress. She only wished she could have been with him.
She could have helped him.
Had he thought her too immature? Had he, in truth, considered her too far below him once becoming a duke? Considering all they’d shared together, she had serious doubts about this now. It was just that her father had been so very convincing.
Had there been influential people inhislife who had persuaded him to look higher for a wife? Or had his feelings been so fleeting that he simply hadn’t thought her worth the trouble?
For a few moments, it seemed as though he were not going to respond to her question. Glenda and Mary had both given in to the effects of the wine and leaned against each other sleeping soundly. Mary snored in a soft, even tone.
A disagreeable emotion flickered across Michael’s features before he answered her. Did he never speak of it?
“Edward was dead when I arrived. I found Father in the last stages. He was delirious, calling for my mother, calling for his mother. He kept calling me Edward.” Michael stared out the window as he spoke. “I think I must have been in shock, that first day. I did nothing but fight panic. Father passing, in fact, did something to move me to action.” He told Lilly about some of his favorite old servants, some who had survived and some who had not. “When summoned home, I had no idea what I was walking into. We buried so many—my father and Edward were just two of them. There was no time for mourning…
“Having spent time with army physicians, I had learned disease might possibly be transmitted through the air as well as through items the patients had touched. Those of us unaffected covered our mouths and noses with fresh linen. Once the dead were buried, I ordered the clothing and bedding burned. It took over three weeks for the outbreak to subside.” When he turned away from the window to glance at her, his eyes were haunted.
As he spoke, Lilly thought of what she had been doing during that time. Locking herself in her room, refusing to speak with her father about Michael or Lord Beauchamp. She’d been pathetic, feeling sorry for herself, all the while Michael had been fighting death. Michael had probably saved hundreds of people with his actions. When she hadn’t heard from him after one month, she’d given in to her father.
“I am very ill,” her father had told her. He was dying and needed to be assured that she and her mother would have a home. He’d convinced her a duke would not marry her. Sheneeded to face reality. Her father had pressed her into marrying Lord Beauchamp, and she’d felt she had no choice but to succumb.
All the while Michael could have died!
“You did not become ill?” she asked, fearful even though he was today sitting right here besides her.
“No.”
They rode in silence for a while, each contemplating those days so long ago.
“I didn’t know, Michael. I had no idea.”
He stared beyond her, not meeting her eyes.
“I couldn’t come to you. I placed the entire village under quarantine, how could I break my own rules? Many doubted me as it was. We didn’t even allow the mail to come through. It seemed drastic, but I couldn’t take any chances.”
Lilly swallowed hard. Oh, God, she’d been such a fool. She’d thought he’d inherited and decided to look higher for a better wife, a woman raised to be a duchess. She’d had nothing to offer him, only herself.
She’d thought it had been because of her, because of him.
But she had been wrong.
What would have happened if she had resisted her father? She had believed her father when he’d told her that Captain Redmond, as a duke, would not feel obligated to keep the promises he’d made to her. He’d told her men did that sort of thing all the time, especially when a lady was as easy as she had been.
She’d been awash in shame and guilt.
She’d believed her father when he told her she no longer had a choice. He’d wanted her settled. He’d needed to know she and her mother would always have security and a home.
Lilly raised her fist to her mouth and turned away from Michael. She’d thought she hadn’t any choice, but had she?
“I didn’t know…” she said in a whisper.
“Once I returned to London, the caretakers at your aunt’s home gave me a letter from your father, informing me of your marriage. I considered traveling to Plymouth, but you had already married.”
Oh God, oh God, oh God…Lilly had never imagined such a scenario. Could she have waited? Her father had been dying. There had been absolutely no contact with Michael whatsoever. Surely she could have waited though? Hadshebeen the reason their romance had ended? Hadshebeen the fickle one?
Her heart fell.
If so, then she’d more than paid for it by marrying Lord Beauchamp.
