I let out a breath of almost-laughter. “Exactly.”
Leo had been that ingredient. The rotten egg I’d cracked directly into the batter instead of testing first. Mixed in with blind optimism. Baked. Consumed. And once the taste turned foul, there was no undoing it.
“From the beginning, Leo seemed so...grown up. Stable. Whereas I was just trying to find my way in the restaurant world.” I stared down at my hands. “He followed all the rules. Did everything the proper way, like he was checking boxes—and he wore it like a badge. But he loved the same things I loved. Or at least, it seemed like he did. That’s probably why I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt.”
I paused, my voice catching slightly. “And I think...part of me believed it was what I was supposed to want. What my parents wanted for me. Someone safe. Steady. Settled.” I gave a small shake of my head. “So, I ignored a lot of things I shouldn’t have. Because it should have been right.”
“But it wasn’t,” Noah said softly.
“No. And now...I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Noah nodded again. “You trusted him.”
I swallowed. “I trusted myself.”
“And now you don’t?”
I didn’t answer right away. Because his question cut closer than I wanted to admit. Leo hadn’t just hurt me—I’d let myself believe the lie.
Noah waited patiently and finally asked, “Is that why you don’t want to talk to him?”
“Maybe?” I answered. And then, “What about you. Do you trust yourself?”
Noah blinked and then winced a little. And more than anything, I really wanted to hear his answer. “That’s…a good question.”
Without realizing it, I found myself holding Noah’s hand. Not in a clutching, fingers threaded sort of way, but in a comfortable sort of way.
“Courtney and I met in med school—studied together—kind of…bonded? But once we got engaged, she walked away from it, and I just…let her. When she realized I wasn’t ready to start a family yet, she went to work with my mom.” Noah scrubbed at the not-quite-a-beard scruff around his chin and jaw, then let out a heavy sigh. “And after that, I was just so overwhelmed all the time. I was never enough. It was…exhausting, and looking back, I became a giant ass.
“So…do I trust myself?” He shook his head in an almost unnoticeable movement, more something that seemed unconscious than a direct answer. “These were big choices. Life-altering. And look where they got us. I got married because… I don’t even know—it seemed like the thing to do? But in hindsight, I wasn’t ready. In so many ways. And I never should have just let her quit school like that.”
“But she made the decision, didn’t she? To quit school?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Mmm. What about at work? Do you trust yourself there?” I had a feeling that this was the more sensitive subject, and when he didn’t answer right away… well. Yeah.
“In the ER, you have to trust yourself. One hundred percent,” he finally said, but then he winced. “Even if you’re wrong.”
“No one is right all the time.”
Noah searched my eyes with an intensity I tried to match.
Until he finally exhaled. “So… Mistakes. Just part of life, eh?”
He wasn’t talking about just himself anymore.
“I guess so.” I dipped a fry in ketchup and held it up to his mouth. Noah snagged it with his teeth, moved the tray off the bed, and then crawled back onto it with a wicked gleam in his eyes.
“Is this a mistake?” I wasn’t sure why I asked.
“Do you think it is?”
“No.” Even if it was, I didn’t care. I was willing to live with the consequences.
“So, you do trust yourself.” His voice was low.
I blinked. Because yeah. With Noah, I did. “I guess so,” I laughed.
