This was something Luke wasn’t prepared to discuss. He needed to meet with his commanders first. He had decisions to make. And then, of course, he would need to speak with Blackheart.
“I haven’t yet determined that.”
“You went to school with… Arthur.” The fact that she would attempt to make normal conversation with him, especially after the grief he’d brought to her doorstep yesterday, illustrated that she had been raised to be dignified no matter the circumstances.
“As did my brother and Gil’s brother. We have all been friends for as long as I can remember.”
Luke had danced with this woman last spring. He’d rowed her across a small pond and delighted at her teasing. He’dflirtedwith her.
How very different both of them were now. “We all attended Eton together. Damned Gil.” Luke smiled at the memory. “He led us into trouble more times than not. Made it his personalmission to ensure I never got too caught up in my studies. The blighter was always ready with some prank or another. Pardon my language, Mrs. Gilcrest.” Gil had nearly gotten the two of them expelled on one occasion.
Luke stared unseeing at the floor. He and Gil had grown apart after entering the army. Especially after Luke’s last promotion, which had placed him just above Gil in the military hierarchy.
“I wish I’d had more time with him.”
He glanced up in time to see two tiny lines appear between Mrs. Gilcrest’s eyes.
Luke swallowed, and his throat suddenly felt thicker than normal. “Gil spoke of you. The night before... He was anxious to return to you.” Had Gil been anxious to return to her? Of course he had been. And because she looked lost and vulnerable sitting in the darkened room, Luke added, “He loved you very much.”
That earned him a watery attempt at a smile. “Thank you. Our…” She blinked. “Courtship was not ideal, by any definition of the word. But I… I loved him.” Her voice broke.
Luke bit into the piece of toast he’d nearly finished and chewed slowly, allowing her a moment to regain her composure. With his plate cleaned, he rubbed his hands along his thighs, knowing he had likely worn out his welcome.
“Is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything you need right now?”
Pearly white teeth worried her bottom lip. Luke sensed she was warring with her own pride. “I’m fine, but thank you. It was kind of you to look in on me before you left. You have lost a good friend as well.”
It was not the answer he wanted, but he could hardly force his assistance on her if she didn’t want it.
Luke rose. This time, when he bowed, he took hold of her hand. “I’ll be at the posting inn until tomorrow morning. Will you send word, then, if you think of anything?”
She nodded. He doubted he’d have much reason to speak with her alone anytime in the future. She was going to be a mother. And she was a widow now.
She would not ask him for anything. She rose as well and Luke allowed her to lead him out the front door. The floorboards of the porch creaked beneath his weight.
The storm that had been threatening was nearly here now, with small sprinkles beginning to fall. For the second time, he noticed that the color of the hovering clouds was the exact blue-gray of her eyes.
“I will take my leave, but I won’t say goodbye just yet.” He removed a piece of paper he’d written out the night before. “This is my direction. If I cannot be reached personally, my brother will provide for any need that arises.”
She stuffed the paper into an apron pocket without reading it. Her pride. So much pride.
“Thank you again, Major. You have been most kind.”
He flicked his gaze around the property and then, turning one last time to face the widow of a man he’d once considered his best friend, bowed. “Please. I beg of you to send word if you have need of anything.”
She grimaced at that.
And at her nod, he took his leave.
LOOKING OUT FOR MRS. GILCREST
Naomi stood on the porch long after Major Cockfield had ridden away. Her limbs felt heavy, and the slightest task, such as getting dressed, making tea, or forcing her feet to carry her back into the house, seemed to require tremendous thought and effort.
It was easier simply not to move. If she didn’t move, then she didn’t have to feel, and if she didn’t feel then she didn’t have to think. All of which made no sense at all because she couldn’t summon the energy to make her brain function properly.
Lord Major Lucas Cockfield had gone above and beyond the call of duty when he’d come to inform her about Gil. Now that he was gone, his part was over. She realized that at some point, she was going to have to face the future.
But for now, she didn’t want to think into the next minute—the next hour.
