She was notcompletelywithout choices.
When Collette had become old enough to understand that her father lived with another family, and that that was not at all normal, she’d asked her mother how she could love a man who’d put them in such a situation. Her mother had told her that it had been herchoice. She could marry a poor man, she’d told Collette, one who was just as likely to be unfaithful, or she could be mistress to a rich one and live a life of considerable luxury. Her mother had insisted that women did, contrary to common misconception, havechoices.
The choices weren’t always what she hoped for, but they were hers to make.
Lord Grimsley was a choice. Scotland was a choice. Staying on as a companion to her sister-in-law might be a choice. She could even go to Easter Park and live with her mother and Sarah in the country.
The only option that was not at all viable was the duke’s outlandish proposal.
Not only did she lack what was required to be a duchess, she couldn’t begin to fathom what that was.
She snuck a peek down the table to where he sat at the opposite end, and almost as though he’d been waiting for that moment, he caught her with his cool gaze.
Three full seconds passed, three seconds of tingling awareness, before she could tear her stare away.
He was not like any other man she’d ever met. And not simply because he was a duke.
He had an unrelenting sense of honor and responsibility, and although incomprehensible, she couldn’t help but admire him for it. She knew far too well that such a quality in an aristocrat was rare. It likely had more to do with his characteras a personthan his actual position.
How many of his equals saw beyond his title to the man inside? How many of them realized he was just as vulnerable as anyone? Few, if any. And it was likely he wanted it that way.
But whether he’d wanted to or not, he’d shown that part of himself to her. And—Collette stared at her half-eaten plate—doing that had been good for him. No one should go through life hiding the person that they really were.
The realization caused her more than a little regret to have to refuse him.
If only he was a shopkeeper, an artist, or another teacher—or even a baronet. But a duke!
He had told her she was not going to be traveling to Scotland. He had suggested that he wanted to meet with Chase.
Was he mad? She was barely accepted amongst the circles of those who knew her as a baron’s sister. Did he truly believe society would accept her as a duchess?
He'd explained that power and influence had value. Were his coffers so full that they wouldn’t be affected by marrying so far beneath him? Because as much as she wished it, no one would forget who she was—what she was. Eventually, he would regret his unrelenting compulsion to uphold his honor. His entire family would be affected. Along with their children.
She shook her head. Why on earth was she even contemplating the idea?
“Would you like that, my dear?” Lord Grimsley touched her arm, and for the third time over the course of their conversation, she had to ask him to repeat his question.
“I'm sorry. Wool-gathering.” But in making her apology, she realized how insulting the admission was. What man in his right mind would want to make her his wife?
He merely smiled and nodded vaguely, and she realized that it wasn’therthat he wanted, in truth, but the dowry her brother would provide.
“Would you like to go driving with me tomorrow afternoon?”
Choices.
Bedwell had threatened to collect her at two.
Choices.
“I’m afraid I have a prior commitment,” she answered, “but perhaps another day?” If she hadn’t left for Scotland yet.
The very thought of being so far from her family sent her heart dropping. If she took the position, she’d be lucky to visit with her sisters even once a year. Seeing Diana and Sarah and her mother would be a major undertaking. She would miss out on knowing all the new things Sarah learned when already she was itching to ask her about the reading and to meet this special dog—all of that and also to warn her about the bogs. Who would warn her about the bogs?
She would miss Bethany and Chase, and she would miss her new niece or nephew.
She wouldn’t be able to visit Diana in her new home with the marquess. Her sister would move on, likely begin having babies of her own and she wouldn’t have Collette to discuss her doubts or fears.
Collette would miss all of it.
