When her friend fell silent, knowing it was improper, but too curious to stop herself, Violet said, “Would you mind if I ask a personal question?”
Lady Chaswick stilled, but then turned to face her more directly. “Not at all.”
“You needn’t answer if it’s too intrusive, but—”
“You mustn’t mind me. I’ve only been married a short while, though, and… There are days when it’s all I can think about. Please, please forgive me.”
“But that’s just the point… My lady, I…” Violet pressed her fingertips to her cheeks, which had flushed hot. If she was going to ask something like this, she might as well just come right out with it. “Do you find it to be… necessary?”
“For children. Yes, but it isn’t only for children.” Lady Chaswick grinned. “And you must call me Bethany.”
“Please, call me Violet.”
Lady Chaswick—Bethany—nodded. “Has someone proposed? Are you considering marrying?”
“No. Not that.”
“Then why…?” Bethany tilted her head. Violet must have given her thoughts away in her expression because Bethany raised her brows as though she fully comprehended the situation. “But you haven’t decided yet, and that is why you are curious as to whether it would be worth the risk. Is that it?”
Violet suddenly wished the bench would open up and swallow her. “Please, forget I said anything.”
“No, no. You wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t think it important. And I am more than happy to offer my input.”
“I’ll understand if you think less of me for even contemplating it.”
“Not at all. You are an adult lady and have every right to take a lover if you—”
“Shhh,” Violet hushed her. “I haven’t decided anything yet.” She covered her face with both hands. “What is wrong with me?”
“I’m fairly certain you aren’t the first lady to contemplate an affair.”
“A spinster, I am a spinster.”
“That’s nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it makes even more sense for a spinster…” Bethany pursed her lips. “But, as I said, I, for one, think about it all the time these days. People simply choose not to discuss it, and I can’t help but think we’d be better off if we did.” Bethany dropped a hand to Violet’s arm and squeezed. “You must remember, half of London witnessed my indiscretion.”
“That wasn’t your fault, though. It’s not as though you chose to—”
“No, but if I could do it over, as embarrassing as it was, I wouldn’t hesitate to venture into that garden again.”
Bethany’s announcement was a startling one. “You must be joking?”
But the baroness was shaking her head emphatically. “Not at all. Before that night, I had resigned myself to spinsterhood. I would never have known anything about it at all, and now… I couldn’t bear the thought of living a life without intimacy. I couldn’t bear the idea of not knowing my husband the way I do now.”
Stinging pricked the back of Violet’s eyes. She’d known some of it, but only once, and it had happened so very long ago…
“Had I not gone into that garden, Chaswick wouldn’t have ruined me. And if I hadn’t been ruined, I can’t imagine he would have married me. And if he hadn’t married me, we wouldn’t have fallen in love. And if we hadn’t fallen in love, I would have missed out on some of the most amazing experiences of my life.”
“Amazing?”
“Incredible. Life-changing.” Bethany stared out at the water and then slid Violet a cautious glance. “Have you ever…?”
Violet knew, of course, exactly what her friend was asking. Yet she hesitated, because the circumstance wasn’t called ‘ruined’ for nothing. And if it became public, a lady’s prospects were ruined, her reputation, and possibly her family’s.
It wasn’t the sort of thing a lady could expose about herself.
“If I had,” she whispered, “I could not go on to marry another man.”
“Ah…” Bethany didn’t sound nearly as shocked as Violet expected. “Your fiancé? Before he went away.”
