They had been over this before. If Felicity was with child, he could “understand” all she wanted but that wouldn’t change what they needed to do.
He made a decision. “I won’t press you—for now. But you must promise to keep me informed.” His hands had slid to her shoulders, where he gently massaged the muscles at the base of her neck.
“I promise.” Her voice came out little more than a whisper, and then she licked her lips.
This wasn’t the promise he’d hoped to extract from her today, and yet he leaned forward and touched his mouth to hers, tentatively, and drew back before she could either respond or push him away.
“Thank you.”
Felicity raisedher fingertips to her lips. Was this weak feeling in her knees one of relief, or did it have to do with having this man’s attention focused solely on her?
Not on her dress, or her hair, or what she could do for him, but…
It was as though he could see inside of her.
And his kiss… How was it possible that such a small gesture could convey tenderness and protection, and also promise?
“You will return to London soon, then?” Her voice sounded strained.
Felicity experienced an unexpected sense of loss at the prospect of him leaving, and yet, she wanted him to go. Every time she saw him, she was reminded that despite her careful upbringing, despite everything drilled into her regarding propriety, her character was flawed.
She possessed a shortcoming she’d not realized before. And now Manningham—Axel—was aware of it as well.
It made her feel exposed. Already, he knew her more than most. And now he wanted her to share other very personal information with him.
Although, if her courses didn’t come, he would, indeed, have every right to know. Black crept around the edges of her vision at such a possibility. They had to come!
“Greystone wants to leave for London the day after tomorrow.” She felt him watching her closely. His hands remained on her shoulders, his thumbs sliding back and forth along the base of her neck. She wanted to squirm, but she also longed to lean into this giant of a man and accept the comfort he offered.
Comfort that he only offered out of duty. Another illusion.
“I’d stay longer, but I promised I’d be at the docks.” He looked sheepish and all Felicity could think was that her silly little endeavors seemed meaningless in comparison.
“Of course you must go. And I wish you a safe and pleasant journey.”
He was leaving and she could put all of this behind her.
But if that was what she wanted, why did the prospect of his departure shake her? With him gone, she could begin to salvage some of her dignity, prepare to face the ton. This year would be her last season, not because she intended to land a husband, but because she was done.
The idea that any of it mattered had ever only been an illusion. Felicity would not be the first hopeful lady to end up broken-hearted.
Betrayed.
“You will come to London soon?” he asked. His thumb crept up the side of her neck to stroke the line of her jaw, but he kept his eyes locked with hers.
Did he even realize he was doing that? She resisted the urge to tilt her head into his hand and instead nodded.
His gaze shifted to the tip of his thumb, where it barely grazed the corner of her mouth. Was he going to kiss her again?
She stepped back, jerking herself from beneath his hands. “I wish to go home now.”
Thankfully, he didn’t argue or try to stop her this time. Neither did he offer his arm, choosing to stroll with his hands clasped behind his back all the way to the entrance of her father’s house.
“I shall call on you once you’ve arrived in town.” Without taking her hand, he bowed, and when he rose, an errant strand of hair fell along his cheek. Hair that she knew was thick but also soft.
“I look forward to that,” she answered out of habit. And by the look on Axel’s face, she realized he knew she wasn’t being truthful. She dreaded their next meeting. Because when the time came, he would expect her to confirm her condition one way or the other.
An ache settled in her chest. She’d always wanted babies, but not like this. And she barely knew him.
