“We can discuss it, if you wish.” She hardened her voice. “But I will make such a decision on my own.
They could not go on like this, but parting from one another was not the answer Lillian had hoped for. She turned to face him directly but then dropped her gaze and stared at his polished shoes.
“Bernadette is waiting downstairs by now. She will be happy to see her brother, the one who cares so much for her that he married a stranger.”
Her words came out sounding cold, but she was angry with him. She was discouraged and saddened that he could not allow her to… love him.
Damn him.
Everything was backward now. None of this was what they’d planned.
But it could have been better. Oh, so much better.
“You are not a stranger.” His eyes implored her. “I think you will be happier there. Every day since our wedding, I see more sadness in your eyes. I see your disappointment. I never intended to make you unhappy. ”
She twisted her mouth into a painful smile. “Not every bride manages to be sent away by their groom so quickly. I had hoped…”
“Lillian.” He lifted his hands, almost as though he wanted to embrace her from behind but then stopped himself. “I cannot. I—I simply want to protect you from the pain of…”
“Your death? Of losing you?” She was unable to prevent the frustration from spewing out.
She couldn’t help but resent his belief but knew arguing was not the answer.
She’d believed what she’d told him initially. He was the only person who could convince himself otherwise.
He had lost members of his family at very impressionable times of his life, and the tragedies had left an emotional scar in the form of this horrific obsession. He might very well require fifty years or more before he could believe otherwise.
“It is not necessary for you to die for me to me to lose you, Christian. I began to lose you the day we met.” Lose him? Had he, at any time, ever been hers to lose?
“I am still here. I am still very much alive,” he returned with a scowl.
He was, if possible, even more unhappy about all of this than she was.
“I’m sorry.” She should not make light of his fear. It was real to him. She wanted to beg him to fight for his life. She wanted to beg him to believe that they could have a future together. She wanted him to give this marriage a chance.
Everything had changed.
“Time will tell,” was all he offered.
She listlessly accepted his arm and allowed him to escort her out of the room.
“Will Bernadette want to return to the country?” Bernadette and Lillian had shared a good deal. They’d discussed fashion, and Lillian’s sisters, and what Lillian’s coming out had been like. They had not, however, discussed Christian. They had most certainly not discussed his outrageous belief.
“I’ll ask her tonight. Summer in London can be dreary. I imaging she’s growing bored.”
Lillian dipped her head and then exhaled loudly. His sister wasn’t only bored, she was unhappy. Lillian suspected that the girl could not help but feel the tension in the house, not to mention the fear her brother lived in. Bernadette was a sensitive little soul, and at her age, multitudes of emotions simmered within.
Bernadette sat waiting for them in the drawing room already, body slouched and with all the angst that came along with her age. “A little overdressed for dinner, don’t you think?” She teased as she rose and walked across the room to go up on her toes and place a kiss on Christian’s cheek and then on Lillian’s. Lillian dropped Christian’s arm and moved toward the window.
“The Fitzhuberts are hosting a gala this evening. Did you forget?” Christian poured himself a splash of scotch and then nonchalantly took a healthy sip.
The younger girl shrugged as though she didn’t care. So much pretending amongst them all. This was not how family acted with one another. Christian was frowning into his drink and Lillian wanted to cry.
Perhaps it would be best to put some distance between them. The thought squeezed her heart though. What if something really did happen to him? Curse or not, anything was possible.
Bernadette exhaled as though she was about to endure something unavoidable. “You never told me about any Gala. You’re gone most days, and when you’re here, you hardly even talk to me.” Lillian turned her back to the window. Something was off…
Christian’s nostrils flared. “I told you three days ago. I tell you everything.”
