“Christian?” Lillian padded across the plush carpet. Only after she stood directly in his line of sight, did he realize he wasn’t alone. He blinked, and then seemed to struggle to focus on her from behind his spectacles.
Horace circled to the side of the chair, allowing Lillian to kneel on the floor before this man that she’d married—this man who was dying.
Scared that something had happened, that he’d had an attack of some sort or that his illness had progressed, she took hold of Christian’s hands and rubbed them between both of hers. They were cold as ice. The timepiece he had been clutching dropped and then swung from its chain. “Are you unwell? Christian?”
He was shaking his head. “You should not have married me so quickly. A lady such as yourself…” He frowned. “Am I late?” His voice came out little more than a whisper. His foot started tapping. “Lillian? Forgive me.”
“But there is nothing to forgive, Christian,” she reassured him as her heart slowed to its normal pace once again. “Are you ill?” she asked again, touching his forehead, the side of his face, fearing the wound from the boar might have become infected after all. If anything, his skin was cool.
Confused, she clasped his hands in hers again.
As though emerging from a deep sleep, he slipped one hand out of hers and scrubbed it down his face. “I—“ He swallowed hard.
“Are you in pain?” she asked more urgently this time, although he seemed to be coming back to himself.
“I ought to be. I deserve to be.”
“But why?” She didn’t understand what had happened since they’d separated outside of her chamber.
“I’m an insufferable villain for bringing you all this way. You are too beautiful. I know you said you wanted your independence, but I pounced on your willingness to give up your chances…” He spoke without meeting her gaze. “What I am doing is unforgivable and I cannot take advantage of you this way. I gave you no time at all to make a decision that will change the course of your life forever.” He was shaking his head again.
Leaning forward, she settled her right hand on the silk material that rested over his heart. The beat was strong. She had hardly heard his words; she’d been so worried for his health. “So, you are not ill? You are… feeling regret?”
But not for himself. For her. She had thought he might regret tying himself to her because marriage would curtail his own freedoms. She had not considered he’d worry as to how it would affect hers.
Finally meeting her eyes, he nodded. “I have forced you into this without so much as meeting your family, your brother and your mother.” The flames on the nearby candles flickered. “It is a damnable state of affairs. My sister is vulnerable but that doesn’t excuse my selfish behavior. That doesn’t make taking advantage of you right.”
Lillian had not expected this. Even attributing him with exceedingly good character, she had thought he would wish to bed her expeditiously once she’d given him permission. Instead, he’d been overcome with debilitating guilt.
And he was wrong. She had made her own choice. She needed him to understand that if they were to move forward.
“Cameron,” she began. “My brother—my stepbrother.” She bit her lip. This wasn’t something she talked about to anyone other than her sisters or Olivia, but heneeded him to understand.
“He is Crawford now?” Christian confirmed, giving her all of his attention. “His father was killed in a mining collapse, recently?”
“A year and a half ago.” Nineteen months to be precise, since the former Duke of Crawford had brought havoc and tragedy to the small community near their estate. “He killed dozens of workers. Simply because he was impatient—reckless—selfish. As fate would have it, he died along with them.” It had been the worst day of her life. Not because Crawford had died, but because the other men had. The shame that she and her sisters experienced—the guilt—had nearly overwhelmed them. And yet, they’d been expected to mourn the man that their mother had married. And oddly enough, they had grieved.
“The late Duke of Crawford was not a good man. He viewed his ducal responsibilities quite differently than you. His greed knew no bounds.”
Christian’s steady attention encouraged her to continue.
“He lusted for treasure as well as more sons.”
Christian frowned. “But he had Stanton, he already had an heir.”
Lillian nodded. “It wasn’t enough. Cameron went to war and Crawford didn’t trust that he’d return. He didn’t like Cameron, his own son. And he needed someone to carry out his personal visions for wealth and power... So just a few months after Cameron’s mother died, Crawford married my mother.” Lillian remembered how happy her mother had been… but her joy had quickly faded. “At first things were fine. It was almost as though we were a family. But when my mother failed to conceive for him, he… changed. Initially she blamed herself, I believe, and simply did her best to appease him. Toward the end, she sought mostly to protect me and my sisters from his tempers. If he hadn’t taken so many other lives with him, his death would have been a relief.”
“The cave in. I don’t know why I didn’t connect it with you… I had no idea. God, Lillian, and now I’ve married you in order to secure my family line.” Christian’s jaw tightened as he expressed his dismay.
“Not for theline, Christian,” she said with great urgency, “To protect your sister. My mother’s husband wanted to secure his line out of greed, not caring for anyone but himself and his own legacy. His obsession, in fact, killed his first wife. The difference between the two of you is stark. There is no comparison.”
He smiled tightly. “It doesn’t sound as though you experienced much security as his daughter. God, Lillian. I’m so damn sorry. And now I’ve forced you into this...”
“You have forced me into nothing.” She rested back on her heels and squeezed his hands again. “You have given me an opportunity. You’ve given me the opportunity to have purpose.” And this was true. It was precisely why she had agreed. “Iwantto do this for you. You are a good man—in a difficult situation. Won’t you let me help you?”
She felt tiny as she kneeled on the floor before him, and yet she felt she had strength that she could impart.
“I am not a naïve girl but a grown woman, Christian, with a will of my own. If I did not wish to do this, I would never have agreed. You have been nothing but honest as to your intentions, as to your objectives, and I have accepted those. I was not without other options—without offers—but I refused. Helping you allows me to have experiences I could never have otherwise, without sacrificing my freedom indefinitely.”
