“Absurd,” she said, her voice shaking. Because he was not suggesting in any way that those same children might have dimples at the corner of their mouth, or that any might have eyes that were blue but could also appear gray.
What was she thinking?
Oh, but why would he say such things?
“We shall see.” In the wake of the warmth of his compliments, uncertainty cooled her veins.
She pushed away from the stone, and also away from him. She needed away from the tumultuous sensations he sent spiraling inside. Standing so close made it impossible to keep her feelings under control. One minute he’d make a comment that led her to believe he esteemed her, held her in affection even and then his next words seemed intent on ensuring that she did not build any expectations of him for the future.
“First, I must establish myself in London.” This must remain her immediate concern. “As a widow, not some countrified debutante in search of a husband. As for the other…”
“You’ll be fine,Princesse.”
She didn’t need him to add the words: without him. She was coming to understand his intentions all too well.
Chapter 9
Aubrey
Walking back toward where Mr. Daniels was to meet them, they each seemed lost in their own thoughts, and this time he did not attempt to take hold of her hand. Even Mr. Dog had lost his enthusiasm, slowing so much that Mr. Bateman scooped the dog into his arms to carry him the rest of the way.
She was sad that the natural pleasure they’d taken from one another’s company for most of this journey had turned to something else... not regret, but loss. Which made no sense.
But she had to be practical. She needed to protect herself. Perhaps that was something else she could learn from him; the ability to put up a wall so that another person couldn’t make her feel too many things.
“Ah… There’s Daniels now.” Which reminded her…
“Why did you give him money?” It was not necessary. Mr. Daniels was being paid his salary by her brother in law to bring her here.
Mr. Bateman glanced at her sideways but then shifted his gaze away quickly. “To secure rooms for us, in Amesbury. Why do you think I gave him money?”
She’d not thought of that. And of course, his explanation made perfect sense… only, it had seemed like considerably more money than would have been required to rent two rooms at a small village in.
“You should have asked me. I will pay for my own.” Perhaps she’d seen wrong. Perhaps it hadn’t been that much money after all.
The tension between them was even thicker after that, as they climbed back into the carriage and road the short distance into the very old town located conveniently close to the ancient landmark. Only Mr. Dog, who’d quite worn himself out seemed comfortable as he took his spot between them, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, he immediately fell asleep.
“I want to kiss you,Princesse. You must know that.” Mr. Bateman didn’t look at her as he spoke, instead choosing to continue staring out the window. “And I wish...” He ran a hand through his hair. His words jolted her. Just when she thought she had him figured out he said something to cause her to question her judgment.
“You wish?”
“I am… When I’m with you, I feel…mon dieu.” Finally, he turned to stare into her eyes. “I simply like being with you and I don’t want to ruin the time we have left. But one or two days remain before we must separate.” His confusion tugged at her and his eyes seemed a little tormented. A frown of worry lined his forehead. “And I want…”
All she could do was stare back at him, holding her breath. Whatever was supposed to happen in Margate on his birthday was most definitely not something he looked forward to. She hated that he wouldn’t tell her what caused him so much anguish. Because, yes, she’d felt his anguish grow with each mile they covered as the carriage rolled closer to London.
“What do you want, Mr. Bateman?” She finally asked when he did not finish his sentence.
His eyes blazed at her question. Although they sat side by side with several inches between them, she felt his need as though it was a tangible thing. She recognized it so acutely, perhaps, because it matched her own. Every inch of her skin craved his touch, her breasts ached, and deep inside of her, a throbbing,a wanting, made her want to cry.
“I want… what I can’t have.” He ground the words out. “But even more than that, I do not want to hurt you.” He placed one hand along the back of the bench and his fingers played with her hair. “Will you forgive me for all of this? Will you smile for me again,Princesse?”
Aubrey swallowed hard, wanting to cry, wanting to throw herself into his arms so badly that she needed to grasp the edge of the seat to prevent herself from doing so.
“Please?”
There was nothing she could deny him. And so, she held back her tears and lifted the corners of her mouth instead, wishing she could laugh. Because laughing was normal between the two of them. “There is nothing to forgive.”
She was saved from saying anything that would make them both even more uncomfortable as the carriage rolled to a stop in front of the inn. Mr. Bateman smiled weakly and then assisted her outside once again.
