Nothing was clear in this moment though.
“That is kind of you.”
“We are willing to do anything we can to ease your situation. Believe me, I quite understand the discomfort brought on by being the object of gossip.”
Margaret nodded. “I thank you. But I don’t know…”
Abigail squeezed Margaret’s hand reassuringly. “Take your time. Know, dear Margaret, that if you decide you wish to leave, all you must do is inform either myself or Monfort and we will take to the road.”
The duke made his way across the room just then. The look in his eyes as they settled on his wife reminded Margaret that Abigail was expecting, and her heart did not break at the thought. She was becoming stronger. It was an encouraging revelation in light of the decisions she must make.
“Won’t you join us, Your Grace?” Margaret smiled up at the duke. He nodded and lowered himself onto the nearest chair and then turned to his wife. “Are we to depart tomorrow morning, dear?”
“I’m not certain yet,” Abigail responded.
“I won’t have you overexerting yourself. Lady Danbury will quite understand that if we need to return to Brooke’s Abbey early.” And then he turned toward Margaret. “We would like nothing more than to have you as our guest, My Lady.”
Margaret nodded. The two of them were such an unusual couple. The duke, so seemingly cold and indifferent to everything around him, and the duchess, open and giving and warm. “My thanks.” And yet, the two of them obviously loved one another very much.
Margaret wondered if they experienced passion with one another—if, along with their obvious affection, they desired one another to the extent that their differences were something wonderful rather than attributes that prohibited intimacy.
Not even desire could have erased the annoyance she’d begun to feel with George. Her judgment in his character had been appalling. She’d allowed her desire to have a child, to have a family, to blind her.
An overwhelming need to escape nearly overwhelmed her. She could hear her heart beating in her ears and her chest ached. “If you’ll excuse me, please?”
Abigail watched her with concern. “Of course.”
“Are you unwell? Shall I call for your maid?” The duke grasped her elbow. Had she swayed when she rose? She may or may not have. She was not ill, however. She simply needed to be alone.
“No, thank you, Your Grace.” When he released her, she practically ran out the door and with no particular destination, hastened away from the main rooms in the house.
She was free. She ought to be happy. It was what she’d wanted, wasn’t it?
But in being free, she’d also come to see her future laid out before her. It was empty of a husband, empty of children, empty of a family, empty of a life.
She stumbled past the music room, the billiard room, the ballroom.
Lawrence’s father had been friends with her father. She and Lawrence had known one another most of their lives. Their marriage had been a foregone conclusion, and she had not minded at all. Because Lawrence had wanted the same things that she had.
When the first years passed without any children, she had prayed. She had accepted her circumstances gracefully. She simply needed to be patient.
And then after her husband’s death, she had mourned, as a good wife ought. She’d hidden herself from society.
And after the death of her mother, she had mourned yet again before returning to London.
She had not been looking for a grand love affair. She’d only wanted the same sort of comfort she had experienced with Lawrence. She’d not asked for passion. Guilt threatened to overcome her at the memory of all the improprieties she’d allowed this week. Not only allowed but invited!
Up until the moment she climbed into his bed, she’d lived a proper life. She had not been unhappy, but she had always wantedmore.
Realizing she was wandering in circles, both figuratively and literally, she paused and pressed her back against the wall. If only she could stop her mind from thinking, perhaps she could make some sense of it all again. She pushed herself away and continued her march.
Her thoughts were jumbled full of emotions and instead of seeing a clear path ahead of her, she felt lost in a maze.
Lady Sheffield’s words taunted her. “You are a beautiful and intelligent woman who has the ability to forge a unique path in this world.”
But was she brave enough to seek out the unknown?
“Be open to other life experiences.”
