Believe him?
Believe a perpetual lying, good-for-nothing womanizer? “Why would I believe anything you say, Flavion?” Cecily inserted. “Since we were first introduced, it has been one lie after another.” She had been right about Miss Cunnington’s intentions all along. “But after your injury,” Cecily said, with dawning comprehension, “she no longer wished to acknowledge your marriage. She didn’t want anything to do with you at all.”
Flavion shook his head sadly. “You are correct. And since she no longer wanted me, I figured we could simply forget about the other marriage and make a go of this one.”
The room fell silent then. Each occupant apparently caught up in their own thoughts.
“But we will not,” Cecily finally said. She felt Stephen’s eyes upon her. “You must send for your wife. She will take her rightful place.” All of the fighting energy she’d felt only moments before, deserted her completely. “I’m going to go home… to my father’s estate. Perhaps I will leave the country. I won’t stay here any longer, Flavion. I do not belong. I never did.” As she turned to leave, she could not bear to look Stephen in the eyes. She would not allow him to take responsibility for her.She would not.
She proceeded to her bedchamber and then ordered Sally to begin packing her bags. Was it worth it? She would very soon be unable to fit into most of her new gowns. And the next time she might have cause to wear them, most assuredly, the fashions would have changed. Pulling out and admiring one of the gowns Madam had sewn from her own designs, however, she decided she must bring them all. They were too beautiful to abandon. And she most definitely did not wish to leave them for Miss Cunnington, of all people.
She must have faith that there would come a time for dressing up, a time for dancing, again in her life. She only wished that it could be sooner rather than later.
But for now, she must cut her losses and go home. Her father had thought he would not have his daughter back, but what a surprise he was in for! And not a pleasant one, either. Oh, dear, he would most assuredly demand the full return of her dowry. She had grown fond of some of the people who worked for Flavion. It would not be fair for them to suffer due to their master’s misdeeds. Perhaps she could convince her father to relinquish the part of the dowry that was invested into the properties. Perhaps her papa would do that for her.
Otherwise, she knew, Stephen would be the one to pay.
With a sob, she threw herself onto the bed.
Stephen!
“As an unmarried woman, suddenly, Cecily, you will be ruined,”he had said.“But I shall marry you. You shall not be forced to live in disgrace.”
Did he not realize that she cared nothing for Society? She was born the daughter of a merchant — of a very successful businessman. She believed in industry and productivity, both of which were disdained by thehaute ton. She had only made three friends in the two years of balls and afternoon teas over the course of two whole years. And they had only found each other due to their status as rejected wallflowers. Why ever would she put any value upon the opinions of that group of lazy, vicious-minded popinjays?
She felt a slight twinge at the thought of never going back, but it was nothing compared to the excruciating pain she felt at the thought of never being with Stephen again. Soon he would most likely thank his lucky stars she had refused his offer. He was a man who traveled extensively. He too, valued industry and productivity. He would most likely also value his independence.
A knock on the door to her bedchamber interrupted her bout of self-pity. Cecily pulled a handkerchief out of a pocket hidden in her skirts and wiped at her eyes. “Enter,” she said tiredly, thinking it would be the footmen who had been sent to retrieve her trunks from the attic.
But it was not.
It was Stephen.
He looked a bit sheepish, standing in the open doorway with his hands shoved in his pockets. He leaned against the doorframe and smiled crookedly at her. “How are you holding up?”
With a sniff and a tilt to her chin, she answered truthfully, “As well as can be expected. I mean, this is good news. Right? It’s what I wanted all along.” Except that she wanted more! She wanted so much more! “I will leave first thing in the morning. I will speak with my father in regard to repayment of my dowry. It’s not fair the earldom fail merely because Flavion is a crook. The people who depend upon it do not deserve to suffer. It would be difficult for them to find new positions… new homes.”
Watching her intently, as he had done often in the past, Stephen tilted his head to one side. “And my offer? You are determined still to refuse me?”
What she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and beg for him to love her. It took a great deal of self-control to stick to her convictions. But she would remain firm on this. If ever again she deigned to give herself to a man, she would be certain she had his love first.
“I thank you for your consideration, Stephen, but I know it is not something you really wish for. I believe I have told you more than once you take far too much responsibility for Flavion. You mustn’t do that with me as well. That’s no reason to marry.”
Stephen pushed himself away from the door and took a few steps closer to her. “You believe I proposed out of some sense of duty? Why would you think that?”
She closed her eyes and turned away from him. She didn’t want his pity. “Because… you are so used to taking care of Flavion’s troubles you are merely lumping me in with everything else. I don’t want to be another complication for you to solve…”
He was directly behind her now.
“Whatdoyou want, Cecily?” he asked softly, bending his head so close to her she could feel the heat from his words.
This must be another form of Nottingham torture. “I want to live far away from London. I want to…”
…be your wife. I want to be the mother of your child and live with you as my husband…
But she could not say the words. Was she such a coward then? Or was it merely some stupid sense of pride she bowed to?’
“What do you want?” he asked again. “You want to leave here, and you want… what?”
