Cecily was doingher best to settle in to the beautiful estate that was the seat of Kensington Earldom but knew it would be a long time before it felt like home… if it ever could. At least Flavion’s mother had vacated, for now, anyhow. Enduring that woman would have been a trial she was not prepared to cope with.
She longed for home. Would any place ever feel like home without Stephen there? Would she ever stop hurting? In her heart of hearts, she knew she would not. But she would always have a piece of him with her after all. She hugged the knowledge to herself.
A fine drizzle had settled over most of Southern England as the summer months came to an end. Cecily was sitting in the morning room where the light was best, working on some new dress designs that she had created and was going to send to Madam Chantal when she heard the unexpected sound of a team of horses pulling a carriage up the long drive. Unhurried, she stood and looked out the window.
Both the horses and the grand carriage were familiar — achingly familiar.
“Papa!” she said to herself. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed him until she saw his familiar conveyance approaching.
Pulling her shawl around her, she raced down the stairs to the grand entryway. The driver had just pulled up, and her father was pushing the carriage door open when she stepped out into the rain.
It was surreal, really. It had barely been three months since her wedding, and yet it felt as though a lifetime had passed. When she’d last seen her papa, she had been giddy, excited, and terribly, terribly naïve.
Unheeded by the cold and drizzling rain, Cecily threw herself into her father’s oh-so-familiar and safe embrace. He smelled of tobacco and cloves, the exact same as he always had.
“Hey, baby girl,” he said soothingly as he held her tightly. “How about you invite me into your home so that this old man can get out of the rain?” He chuckled as he spoke. It was a sound she had heard often enough while growing up.
Cecily wiped at her eyes, not certain whether the moisture was a tear or a raindrop. The sob that choked out of her betrayed it to be a tear.
With one arm wrapped around her father’s waist, Cecily led him into the grand foyer of Flavion’s country mansion. The butler here, Mr. Babcock, looking rather chagrined at Cecily’s very un-countess-like greeting, efficiently took her father’s coat and hat and then discreetly acknowledged her father’s servants.
Remembering her position, she instructed Mr. Babcock as to which room she wanted made ready for her father and then took hold of her father’s arm to guide him up one side of the horseshoe-shaped staircase. She knew the servants were going to be a bit put out by such a surprise visitor, but she didn’t care. Her papa was here!
After leading her father into her favorite drawing room, she pulled him down onto the loveseat next to her and curled up beside him. Even with the tentative friendship she and Flavion had begun to forge, she still felt dreadfully alone. And lonely. There had been a piece of her heart absent since the morning Stephen departed. Her heart would never feel whole again.
Looking large and solid, and perhaps a little older, her papa set her away from him and scowled.
“I caught the first ship out after receiving your letter, Cecily. And since returning, I’ve spoken with Nigel at great length. I’ve also met with the archbishop. You will be happy to know an annulment is still possible. At your word, I can set matters into motion. Is this still something you would wish?”
After all the research she herself had done on the matter, this information came as quite a shock. “But… how?”
Pulling slightly at his cravat, her father, Cecily realized, was not comfortable discussing these troubles of marriage and the heart. In spite of the close relationship they’d had while she was growing up, he obviously did not relish the notion that his daughter was a woman now. “There is a disturbing rumor that your husband has been rendered… er… impotent. Nigel has obtained sworn affidavits from two established surgeons willing to testify to the truth of this. It isn’t shut and closed, my dear. But even the Church is not immune to having their palms greased when it comes to these matters.” He tilted his head to the side and looked at her closely, as though she were something of an injured animal. “Is that what you would wish, puppet? Will you return home with your old papa?”
He was so very dear. She could see in his eyes that he had worried greatly for her during the long sea crossing. Her father hated to wait. He must have been beside himself, unable to do anything from thousands of miles away.
And now, she must tell him that his and Nigel’s efforts were for naught.
“I cannot, Papa,” she said, taking a deep breath. And then she finally spoke out loud the words she’d been holding inside for several weeks now. “I am with child.”
Her father stilled for a moment before it seemed that all the air had gone out of him. “Ah, well then,” he finally said. “That changes everything.”
Cecily buried her head in her father’s shoulder. She’d been torn by the knowledge for weeks. Not wanting to commit to any decision, she had kept it completely to herself. She did not even believe that her maid knew… although thinking about it now, Sally would have to be pretty oblivious not to have realized that her mistress had not received her courses for nearly two months.
“And how does Lord Kensington, your husband, treat you now? He must be ecstatic about your condition, considering his own circumstances. I imagine he is praying quite heartily for a male child.”
She planned on telling Flavion soon. He would believe it to be his child. If she were to give birth to a boy, then the child, Stephen’s child, would replace Stephen as Flavion’s heir. She did not think either man would wish to learn the true circumstances of her pregnancy. “I haven’t told him yet,” she said, before dissembling with her reasons. “I did not know for a very long time, and then I was very angry with him for a while. Now, well, now we are attempting to forge a new relationship, and I have been waiting for a special moment. I imagine he will be very pleased.”
Her father watched her closely as she spoke. He had always, in the past anyhow, been able to read her like a book. He seemed perplexed by her now. “I would think so.” Bending forward then leaning his elbows upon his knees, her father suddenly became quite fascinated by the ring upon his left hand. “You shall be forced to live the rest of your life without any hope of… marital relations… This is something you are willing to face?”
Cecily placed her hand upon her papa’s large and calloused ones. “Papa, I haven’t any choice.” Her father attempted to contradict this statement, but she interrupted him immediately. “I truly haven’t. It would not be right.” If her papa only knew the entire story. She couldn’t even begin to think what he would do. “Now, look at you,” she said, smiling, for the first time deigning to treat him as a proper hostess ought. “I imagine that your room has been prepared and that your valet would have ordered you a bath. You and I can share a cozy dinner together and tomorrow you can see Flavion. He has traveled into Crawley for a few days with one of his stewards but is to return tomorrow.”
Making a derogatory sound, her father nearly growled. “Not getting into more trouble, I hope. Shouldn’t his place be at home with his newlywed wife?”
At this Cecily laughed with a hint of brittleness. “You forget, Papa, Flavion can only be the most loyal of husbands now.” On a more serious note, she added, “He actually has changed considerably since the accident. He is even taking an interest in estate matters. After making a hash of his finances, he gave power of attorney over much of the earldom to his cousin. And now his cousin has appointed a man of business to work with Flavion. I am rather impressed by this new leaf he has turned over, I must admit.”
Stephen had corresponded with Flavion on more than one occasion. At first, Cecily was extremely covetous of the missives. None had been addressed to her. Of course they would not be!
But it was for the best. It must be for the best.
