Only for a moment, she thought, closing her eyes.
Only for a moment.
Stephen’s week hadnot been nearly as restful as Cecily’s.
Continuing to prove elusive, Flavion had not only managed to dodge the irate papa’s chasing him, but Stephen as well. Salaam reported that Lord Kensington had made brief appearances at both of his clubs, and once at Tattersalls. Stephen was reassured by this but concerned to hear that his cousin was spending his nights at bawdy houses.
Both Lord Griffin and Colonel Waters had called at Nottinghouse more than once, professing a desire to meet with Flavion on a field of honor. Thesevisitswere growing in persistence and frequency.
Which was most likely why Flavion had not returned to Nottinghouse.
Stephen had spent the week taking care of estate business in addition to addressing matters to do with his own company and investments. As he dealt with several problematic issues, he’d realized he would be unable to spend much more time in London. He needed to visit a few of the estates personally, and there were some issues he needed to take care of in Calais as well. His managers could only do so much without him.
Meanwhile, he’d avoided spending time alone with Cecily. As much as he desired her company, her touch, his conscience berated him more and more as each day passed.
His visits with Cecily were bittersweet. Watching her smile, hearing her voice, and looking into her eyes only taunted him as the maid looked on disapprovingly.
He learned a great deal more about her childhood, and he’d shared memories of his own. They’d discussed some politics and how they affected business. She had apparently learned a great deal from her father.
She also told him about each of her friends.
About Rhoda, the strong-willed, outspoken one; Emily the well-read, logical one; and Sophia, who at times seemed empty-headed, but was creative and courageous. All of them had been her staunch supporters throughout her ordeal. He hoped they would remain at her side… afterward. He hoped they would not abandon each other.
And despite her infirmed condition, Cecily hardly complained at all.
It continued to astonish him that his cousin had been capable of marrying Cecily in such a coldhearted manner. She was a delightful person, a warm, living, charming lady who had feelings and dreams and a surprisingly sharp mind. He could no longer deny that she’d already engaged his affection.
In light of this personal revelation, he intentionally did not permit himself to spend any time alone with her. He could not allow himself to continue pursuing this affair.
No matter how much Flavion deserved it.
Stephen waited until he felt that Cecily would be in high-enough spirits to tell her he was not going to follow through with her plan. He’d been putting this off. As much as it bothered him to break his word to her, it bothered him more to betray his cousin, to betray his own code of honor.
He’d barely reached the upstairs landing, however, when he caught sight of Cecily sitting on one of the benches that lined the lavishly decorated corridor.
She was asleep.
Conflicting emotions immediately came to the forefront of his conscious thought. She looked so very innocent, and yet those pouty lips had wreaked havoc upon his hard-fought control. She had a very sensual power over him. No one else in the entire world could be less appropriate for him to take as a lover. And yet, he had never known any other woman to tempt him as she did. Every instinct demanded he scoop her up and carry her to bed — his bed. He adjusted his coat and then knelt down in front of her.
“My lady… Cecily…?” He touched her cheek lightly with the backs of his fingers.
Her lashes fluttered and then opened slowly. “I was only resting,” she said defensively, “before I go out.”
“You cannot go out, Cecily,” he said tenderly. “We have yet to discover who was attempting to harm you, and in addition to that, you are not yet fully recovered.”
She looked disappointed.
“But I would be more than willing to escort you for a walk in the gardens if you would be amenable to that?” He wanted to see her smile. Heneededto see her smile.
She tilted her head to one side. “The two of us alone, or must we summon Sally to chaperone? I fear you have regrets regarding… well, qualms concerning our…” Blushing prettily, she turned her eyes away from him.
“I feel that I must apolog—”
“Oh, please, please, do not apologize. Unless you are most earnestly sorry that it happened.” She turned those green eyes once again on him. “Are you sorry? Was it truly something you regret?” She was so damn vulnerable — so damn trusting of him!
Did he regret it? Remembering the candlelight as it had cast erotic shadows on the curve of her spine, the sensations of being overwhelmed by her sensuality, and the look in her eyes as they’d found a perfect rhythm, he could not feel regretful. He only wished he could repeat it… again and again…
“I am sorry for betraying my cousin,” he said, remembering why he’d come to speak with her. He could not return her gaze and so got up from his knee before taking the space on the seat beside her. “I cannot be that man… that man who takes what he wants regardless of circumstances.” Pausing, he took a deep breath. “I know that italreadyappears that I am without honor. Our actions have plagued me for nearly a week now.” He stared at the painting on the wall in front of them, a landscape of his uncle’s manor in Surrey. It had been the closest thing to a home he could remember. “I admit that I have… feelings for you. But I cannot live between two people who are legally, eternally bound. I fear that it is best for us to step away from what we have done and attempt to continue on as cousins… hopefully, as friends.” He glanced down. Unbeknownst to himself, he had taken her hand in his. Turning to look at her, he raised her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss upon the back of it. “And I am sorry if I have caused you even more pain than you have already experienced through your marriage to my cousin. It was never my intention. I promise you.”
