If she’d hadn’t been at odds with Gabriel the night before the cave-in, would he have become one of the casualties as well?
But Louella was shaking her head adamantly. “Of course, it does not! A series of unfortunate coincidences, that is all. If what you say has any merit, we’d have to consider all the other places you’ve visited as cursed. All the other people you’ve come into contact with. Did you also betroth yourself to Mr. Cromwell? Or to Mary’s brother? Or the old duke, for that matter? All of those people were killed, and it had absolutely nothing at all to do with you.”
“I know,” Olivia conceded. “I know that what you say makes sense, but I cannot keep myself from wondering.”
“I refuse to listen to such nonsense. From you of all people!”
“But what if it isn’t?”
“And wait a moment. Did you just tell me you actually said yes to Mr. Smith? Olivia! Why?” She blinked her eyes in confusion. “You must marry agentleman. Mr. Smith was a man of character, a hard worker, Livvy, but the two of you never would have suited. You were not… You did not…?”
“Of course not!” Olivia handed a nearly full cup of tea across to Louella. “I would never!”
Only she had. Just not with the man she’d promised to marry.
“Then why?” Louella blew on the hot liquid and then took a tiny sip.
“Those children… those poor children needed a mother. I could have been their mother, Louella.”
“You will have your own children one day, Olivia. I know you have all sorts of misgivings, but you are going to fall in love, just as I have. And you’re going to have a family of your own. It was sweet of you to consider giving yourself up for those children, but, Olivia! What would your life be like then? I’d hate to think of you toiling in that tiny hovel every day, day after day, never having any time to yourself. It’s not as though you could have hired a nanny to help you.” Louella fell silent a moment. “What are you going to do now? Shall we go to the vicar? You were betrothed to him… and now he’s gone.”
“No one knows. And you mustn’t tell a soul. Promise me.” People might believe all of it was her fault… Olivia dropped a white cloth over the bread she’d been kneading and then turned to sip from her own cup of tea.
“Not even Crawford?” Louella asked.
“Not even the dead one,” Olivia murmured under her breath. “No one.”
“I won’t. I just… hate that you consented to begin with! That you felt you had no other choices,” Louella lamented.
“It must be in the blood. My affliction. Mama said she had an aunt with a meandering eye just like me, remember?”
“I remember. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a happy marriage! Olivia—”
“No!” Olivia burst into tears as she could only ever do with her sister. “I don’t deserve what you have! I’m a horrible person! After betrothing myself to him… I regretted it. I wanted to call it off… Don’t you understand, Louella? Now he’s dead! And I grieve for his children, I do! Oh, Louella. I am so very ashamed of myself. A part of me is relieved.”
This, along with all the mixed-up feelings she had where Gabriel was concerned, had been eating her up for days now.
“But you did not wish him dead. I know that much about you. All of us, Olivia, all of us are only human. But your feelings on the matter had nothing to do with tons of earth caving into the tunnels that day. If anyone is to blame, it was the old duke. And now he’s dead as well. What with all of us taking our part of the blame in this, at the very least, let’s allow the majority of it to go to where it belongs. Good lord, what with Stanton thinking he’s at fault, and Lord Kingsley even– “
“What did Lord Kingsley say?”
“He believes the fault lies with him. Soon enough, he’ll be returning to London and his fiancée. Perhaps she can soothe his broken conscience… Have a care! Olivia, you must be more careful with that!”
Louella had burst from her chair and was dabbing a dry cloth where Olivia had clumsily spilled tea upon herself. Her skin burned where it landed, but that didn’t hurt nearly as much as hearing about his fiancée.
Soon, he would be miles and miles away from Misty Brooke––from her.
She’d always known that he was not staying permanently. “Have you met her?”
“Her? Here’s a wet cloth. Hold this against the burn so you don’t scar. Really, Olivia, you must be more careful. You mean Kingsley’s fiancée?”
Olivia nodded, trying not to appear overly curious. It would not do for Louella to realize she had taken a fancy to a man as unattainable as Lord Kingsley. The last thing Olivia wanted from her sister, or anyone else for that matter, was to become even more of an object of pity.
“I met her briefly in London. She is pretty and clever. She’s lost both her parents, a sister, an aunt or some other sort of relation. All within the last five years. She’s been in mourning all that time and has been forced to postpone her and Kingsley’s wedding at least four times now. I don’t think she gets out much, though, or has many friends. From my understanding, her aunt is something of a tyrant—doesn’t allow her to participate in Society much. I cannot imagine such a prolonged engagement. As it was…” And then Louella blushed before adding, “Poor dear Kingsley has had to remain a lonely bachelor all these years.”
Olivia exhaled a long sigh. “Yes. Poor dear Kingsley.”
“I imagine if he hadn’t been betrothed, some other lucky debutante would have snagged him up by now. Although my husband insists the opposite.” Louella was sitting down again, sipping her tea cautiously.
