Chapter 14
The Reality
Olivia ranuntil the stitch in her side grew so painful she had no choice but to come to a halt, bend over, and catch her breath.
Gabriel Fellowes would not be coming around again, and the thought brought with it an entirely different pain. The kind that left a void where her heart was supposed to be.
Since the night of Louella’s ball, he’d treated her… normal. Better than normal. He’d treated her as though she were special. For a few short weeks, he’d managed to bring a spirited sense of joy into her life. If only he hadn’t brought hope along as well.
Because when hope disappeared, despair took its place.
He’d shown her a happiness that could never be hers.
But his greatest sin by far was that the blasted man had made her fall in love with him.
She closed her eyes, fighting regret that their embrace had not progressed to its natural conclusion. And immediately feeling guilty for that same regret.
She’d wanted him. She’d wanted him so badly that it hurt. And not just for the physical satisfaction that she suspected it would bring, but because she’d wanted to be one with him! With Gabriel Fellowes, her friend, but the man who also happened to be an earl!
She might as well have wished to become queen.
Like a mantra, her father’s words echoed in her ears.No gentleman of any worth will make a respectable offer to a cockeyed gel.
Knowing he’d been right… She gasped aloud, the truth bringing with it an almost physical pain.
Had she stayed a second longer, she might have abandoned her resolve and thrown herself back into his arms. She had little willpower where he was concerned. And that was becoming very, very dangerous.
When his mouth had captured hers, she’d given in to him in a matter of seconds. And then she’d wanted him to consume her, to fill her with himself.
Fool, Olivia. Fool.
She’d nearly ruined herself with one man less than an hour after promising herself to a different one.
She couldn’t dwell on what she wanted anymore. She’d made a prudent decision for her future and, in doing so, provided herself with a very real purpose. She’d have a family.
Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about him, Olivia!She wiped at her eyes angrily.
Taking on Mr. Smith’s boys would be challenging enough that she’d not have any time to mull over the very real mistake she’d nearly made, who went by the name of Gabriel Fellowes.
And she’d have a husband.
She rose from her bent over position, smoothed her skirts, and set to walking at her normal brisk pace.
She was going to have a home, not one that had been begrudgingly set aside for her to hide in by her father but a home where she was a member of a family. A home where, she hoped, she would find love.
Not the all-consuming romantic kind that threatened to steal her sanity, but the kind that provided her with a foundation.
Baby Harvey would be hers to care for, hers to mother.
She lifted her chin, taking each step with more conviction.
A new position would have to be found for Mary. The cottage was already bursting at the seams. Olivia would have to get used to doing all the household chores herself. And she was up to the task. She squared her shoulders. Women all over England managed households on their own.
Having Mary by her side was not really necessary. She’d been a luxury, an extravagance.
A friend.
Olivia swallowed hard.
