She would not consider that her change of heart had anything to do with the fact that she’d become better acquainted with the Earl of Kingsley. It most certainly had nothing to do with the fact that she’d danced with him under the moonlight, nor that she’d sat in front of him atop his beautiful mount.
Inhaling his scent.
Absorbing his warmth.
She blinked quickly, forcing herself to summon the image of Luke Smith to mind. Peering at her from bright green eyes, Mr. Smith had thick reddish hair and was as attractive as Kingsley, more so even.
He lacked manners, though. Didn’t wash as often as she thought he ought… He was a laborer! What did she expect? And how many times must she remind herself who she was?
Gabriel Fellowes had indicated his wish to be her friend. Nothing more.
Her change of heart could only be attributed to Louella’s wedding. Olivia missed her sister. The young girl who’d been by her side for as long as Olivia could remember was moving on without her.
Which, that contrary voice in the back of her brain reminded, ought to have her wanting to marry Mr. Smith all the more. She, too, would have a husband, a family.
Dissonance niggled her thoughts because another annoying voice reminded her that perhaps she simply belonged with no one.
Making this choice was like to drive her mad and time was running out. Because, just as Gabriel warned, if she didn’t make this decision for herself, someone else was likely to make it for her.
“No.” She tentatively spoke the word aloud to the empty road. It sounded strange to her own ears in the silence of the countryside. Not a soul for miles to hear her and yet saying it made her uncomfortable. When had she last denied anyone anything?
Aside from the pie, that was.
“No!” she said even louder. It didn’t feel so strange this time. It felt good. Why had she never considered herself worthy of telling people no? For forever, it seemed, she’d bobbed about in the sea, like a rudderless ship, going where the winds blew her, riding out the storms alone.
Since before her younger brother, her father’s rightful heir, had died.
Since before she’d been banished from her parents’ home.
Since before she could even remember.
She kicked a stone out of her way and then twirled around in a circle. “No. No. No. No. No!”
Chapter 7
An Outing
“I didn’t thinkyou were coming today.” Eliza peeked up from her sewing when Olivia stepped inside, a deep frown etched into her forehead.
Busily working in the kitchen, a familiar-looking red-headed girl scurried about making herself useful.
“Freda Whitley?” Olivia remembered where she knew her from. The girl’s father had been the town blacksmith for as far back as she could remember.
“Good morning, Miss Redfield, mum.” The girl’s smile couldn’t have been any wider. “His Lordship told me you might forget that he’d hired me. Asked me to remind you he’d come by your house to collect you for your appointment.”
“My appointment? His Lordship?”He didn’t! He wouldn’t!Did he not realize people would jump to the wrong conclusion if he were to single her out? And not a promising conclusion, at that. She could see already that Freda had gotten the wrong idea.
Although her reputation didn’t matter much in the overall scheme of things, it meant a great deal to her.
“Lord Kingsley?”
Freda nodded, as did Eliza, who looked none too happy. In fact, she clucked her tongue in that disapproving way of hers. She certainly wasn’t a vicar’s sister for nothing.
“He offered to take me on a picnic—Mary and me, that is,” Olivia offered in way of explanation. She would not dissemble with her. “But I refused.”
Eliza hushed her but then exploded in a harsh whisper, “He obviously didn’t take your refusal seriously. Did you learn nothing from my own experience, Olivia?”
Olivia could kill him for this. At the same time, she did not currently appreciate her friend’s reproachful opinion. Olivia was not the same as Eliza. Olivia wasnotin love with anyone, and she had no illusions that Lord Kingsley might ever think of her in terms of anything more than friendship.
