“What did you talk about?” Sometimes, he could be so open with her, but others, as in now, he kept his emotions shuttered.
He took in a deep breath and then expelled it slowly. “Oh, hell, Penelope, what do you think we talked about? Surely, not the weather?”
“There is no need to be sarcastic with me. If you are angry with her than be angry with her. If you are angry with me, be angry with me.” Although her words were a rebuke, she kept her voice even.
Hugh leaned forward and rested his forearms along his thighs. “That’s the devil of it, Pen. Her complaints would be well deserved by me if there was any truth, any truth at all in them. But there is not. The fact remains that I am your husband. You are going to give birth to another man’s children, and I shall be forced to claim them as my own. As my heir, even, if one is a boy.” He set his glass down on the table beside him and looked at her intently. “I have tried so very hard to move beyond this, to find some reconciliation within myself. You are my wife, for God’s sake! I have never found such pleasure, nor enjoyment with any other woman. But, God damnit, Penelope, there is a part of me that is sickened by it. I see your body grow large with child, with children. I touch your body, I join my body with yours, and yet still, this pregnancy… At times, it mocks me. No matter how much I wish it away, the truth remains.”
His words confirmed the worries that had been building up inside of her. But theywerehis children! Penelope held back a sob and raised her hand to rub her forehead. “Please, Hugh. Won’t you please give some consideration to the possibility that what I told you in the beginning is the truth?”
“Delude myself, you mean?” His top lip curled in disgust. “I wish I could. God, I’ve tried. But I just cannot. It would be like trying to convince myself the sun is blue, or the ocean is dry. I just… can’t. I simply cannot.”
“I am a liar, then. Forever a liar? You surely can have no respect for me at all if you refuse to believe the remote possibility that you,” a hysterical laugh emerged from her, “Hugh Chesterton, could not possibly have imbibed to the point that he had no memory whatsoever of swiving somebody—of laying with me.” She took a deep, slow breath before continuing. “It was early in the evening. Cortland had gone up to be with Lilly, and I had been awake for… too long… attending the birth. After watching Lilly give birth, I went outside for some air. I stood and watched the sun set and as I did so, I was overwhelmed by a physical urge, as likely to any hunger as you can imagine, to make my own baby.”
At his look of scorn and disbelief, Penelope forced herself to forge ahead. “You had been with Cortland, drinking.Good God, you’d been drinkingfor days. I came to you with the intention of flirtation. I wished to see if I could lure you into a compromising situation so that you would offer for me. And yes, I am aware of how horrible that in itself would have been! But I did not intend for any of this!” She gestured toward her belly, toward the room about them. A sob broke from her. “As God is my witness, I only wanted, I only wished for…”
“Stop it! Enough!” He sprung to his feet and strode toward the hearth. His voice echoed through the room, sharply, commanding.
Penelope went to stand as well, only to be frustrated by her gown trapped beneath her. So, she rose to her knees instead and implored him. “I know it was wrong! It was manipulative and dishonest and immoral. I used you! God, Hugh, I amso verysorry. You cannot know how I regret the way I chose to go about all of this. But I cannot regret these children. I did not intend to get myself with child that morning. And, Lord help me, you are the only man I’ve ever lain with. I swear to you this is the truth. All I can do is ask you to forgive me. To believe me and forgive me.Pleasebelieve me.”
She took a breath. She did not even realize she’d been holding it. All that could be heard in the room was her breathing now. “Please, Hugh, please believe me.” Her last words were little more than a whisper.
Hugh remained staring down into the empty fireplace.
The words he spoke were not at all what she expected. “I am going away. I do not know when I will return. I’ve decided to leave you to your mother’s care. I cannot be here, watch as you…”
His words struck her as no physical blow ever could. “But… what about…? Where will you go?”
He seemed to consider her answer. “I don’t know. London, Summer’s Park, perhaps, or maybe Augusta Heights.”
Penelope felt a desolate loss. She’d failed. She’d done all she could to convince him and he was no closer to believing her than he had been on the day she arrived. She could not change his mind.
“I love you.” She did not know why she said it now. For him? For herself? She knew it would not change his mind, but could her love change his heart?
He looked over at her and nodded. “I will be leaving at sun up. Tell your mother whatever you wish. Tell her there is trouble in Manchester, I don’t care. I can’t be here right now. Perhaps, afterward.”
Penelope dropped back into the sofa. He would ruin their marriage over this? It seemed, perhaps, he might. For if he did not return in time for the birth of their children, she might be the one who could not forgive.
Hugh bowed in her direction and left the room.
“Damn you, Hugh! God damn you!” But it was only a whisper. And it was for her ears only.
Hugh was gone.
* * *
Penelope did not sleep much that night. As strong as the urge was to seek him out, to say more, anything else which would convince him not to leave right now, she had an even stronger conviction that it would prove futile.
She could notmakehim believe her.
He’d been adamant that he was not able to reconcile his feelings toward her and his feelings toward the babies she carried. Even after she’d told him that she loved him.
He’d probably believed that had been a ruse as well. He did not trust her. It was possible that he never would.
She was married, but alone, it seemed. She wept some, she slept fitfully, and she fumed. By the time she awoke the next morning, with the sure knowledge in her mind that he’d most certainly already left the estate, both her body and her mind were exhausted.
Rose knew something was wrong immediately. Penelope’s eyes were bloodshot and swollen and the viscount had not joined her in the large bed. Only one side of the coverlet and blankets had been disturbed.
“Pen, Oh, Pen. What happened? I was going to awaken you, but he ordered me to let you have your rest. He assured me that he was more than capable of dining alone with your mother.”
