Legal came in to discuss a possible lawsuit. And community enrichment was going to work with the sponsors of Men for Mutts to cancel the date. I imagined that would cost them about ten grand.
I felt numb through it all.
When I finally walked out of the building it was past six. I’d missed lunch. Even though I didn’t feel like eating, I needed to get some calories in. The best way to do that was to cook something up myself. Chicken, couscous. It’d steam some veggies. Later tonight I could supplement all that with a protein shake.
I felt dead inside. I’d eat because it was a part of my job. I’d drink water. I’d sleep. And then it hit me.
I didn’t want to climb into my bed.
When I woke up this morning, I’d planned on bringing her back here again. I’d looked forward to cooking for her. Maybe getting out the ice cream again.
Fuck.
Part of me hated her. Wanted to see her hurt even. Any person who could lie so easily deserved to work in a shit industry with a shit boss.
Another part of me wanted to believe there’d been a mistake. The whipped part of me. The part of me that was thinking with my cock. Dead to me. Holly Mercer was fucking dead to me.
I stepped off the elevator and thought I was hallucinating.
She wasn’t’ dead at all. She was simply sleeping in front of my door.
Like a log.
She didn’t even stir when the elevator doors closed. As soon as my heart started feeling all warm and protective, I shoved the feelings aside.
She needed to get the fuck out of my way.
I toed the side of her thigh with one of my boots. I didn’t look at her face. I knew what she looked like all sleepy and rumpled. I knew she’d feel warm. I knew she’d fit up against me perfectly.
Too perfectly.
Her head jerked up and she somehow forced me to meet her gaze. That darkness was back. Not all the way, but the light I’d put there the other day had definitely faded.
“Hunter!” She scrambled to stand up. I didn’t want to think about her scrambling… she’d done too much of that around me. “Hunter! It isn’t. It wasn’t.” The door to the elevators opened again and a couple exited. Looking self-conscious, her eyes pleaded with me. “Can we just go inside? For a minute?”
I ignored her and watched my neighbors as they entered their apartment. They smiled awkwardly in my direction and then closed the door behind them.
I didn’t want Holly in my apartment. I hated that I’d let her into my life.
“I’m over it.” I sounded cold and that was what I wanted. “Just go home.”
All the blood seemed to drain from her face. Tears welled up and then spilled down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry Hunter. It was stupid. I should have been more careful. I just.” She closed her eyes and more tears squeezed from behind her lashes. “I just don’t want you to hate me.”
I reached out and tipped her chin up so she had to look at me. Even hating her, I wanted to back her up against the door. I wanted to taste her. To ground my teeth against hers and bury myself in her tight little cunt until she begged for mercy.
She opened her eyes at my touch. For a second I saw a glimmer of hope, a glimmer of light. “You know what, Andrettti? We don’t always get what we want.” I edged her away from the door with my body and slid the keycard into the slot. The lock released and the door opened easily.
She stepped back. Stung.
Good. Good. Now she knew what it felt like. At least some of it. She reached into her bag and held something out to me.
My jacket and some sweats I’d given her to wear home Sunday morning. A sick part of me wanted her to keep them. Wanted her to remember me. Remember what we might have had.
I snagged them without meeting her gaze. Her eyes were my fucking kryptonite.
I stepped inside and closed the door behind me.
Go. My mind reeled. Get the fuck out of my life. I leaned against the door and waited until I heard footsteps and then the elevator bell. When I realized she must be gone I took a deep breath and glanced down at the jacket.
