“So delighted to see you again.” This from the earl. He’d remembered the few occasions they’d met before. Most people usually did not remember being acquainted with her.
From the corner of her eye, she sensed Lord Blakely’s watchful gaze. He’d told her she needed to act good enough.Act good enough?Good lord, how was she going to manage this?
Good enough.
She summoned an entirely different scenario for Lord Blakely’s response to what he thought had been her proposal. He’d bent his head forward, moving close enough that she saw sincerity and love glowing from his sable eyes. She’d inhaled the spicy scent of male; scotch, soap, and cigar. He’d touched her cheek with one hand. And then cradled it. His thumb caressed her lower lip and then he’d dipped his head…
“Emily?” Sophia jarred her from her musing.
Emily turned her head toward the shock of orange, and she did something she’d never done before.
She fluttered her lashes.
“My dear Lieutenant. I’msohonored to meet you. His grace has told us of your courage and bravery. England needs more soldiers like you, good sir.” She then turned toward Mr. White. “My lord! We are so lucky to have your company as well! I imagine all the misses in London are missing you already.”
By heavens, she was flirting!
Before she knew it, Lieutenant Orange Blob was seated beside her, regaling her and the earl with all manner of battle stories. Lord Carlisle, ever the soft-spoken gentleman, merely listened and nodded. But Emily soon discovered something new. She didn’t need to think very hard to encourage a man. She merely needed to keep her unfocused eyes upon their person and smile dotingly.
Thank heavens this didn’t drag on for long or she’d struggle to keep awake. The mood in the library shifted completely with the arrival of Rhoda, her mother, and her two younger sisters, Hollyhock and Coleus. The younger girls fluttered and tittered, and the gentlemen retreated to the corner that held Prescott’s liquor cabinet. Emily smiled in Rhoda’s direction but could only think one thing. What made a person good enough? Did Rhoda feel good enough? Did Sophia and Cecily?
Because damned if she’d ever experienced such a sensation.
Emily had dined at Eden’s Court before, when she’d attended Sophia and Dev’s wedding, so this time the awe of the elaborate dining room didn’t bowl her over quite so much. Furthermore, the table had been shortened to accommodate the smaller party. Emily wondered where Sophia had learned to handle such matters. It wasn’t as though her friend had been born and raised to be a duchess. Certainly, her parents had hoped she’d land a flush-in-the-pockets gentleman, at most a baronet. Likely, they still delighted in her good fortune.
Emily only cared that Sophia was safe and loved and happy. What kind of friend would she be, otherwise?
Sophia and Rhodaobviouslycared for Emily’s well-being. They’d arranged for her to sit smack dab between both the lieutenant and Lord Carlisle. And all the while, Emily did her best to try to begood enough. She even ate her food without lowering her face to the plate to identify the foods each course consisted of. A few mouthfuls surprised her. Particularly the one where she’d expected a sweet-flavored cake and found herself chewing a morsel of meat. At least that’s what she thought it was…hopedit was.
Begood enough.
Lord Blakely’s advice rolled around her brainbox. What did it mean?Good enough for what?The more she considered the words, the more she realized her problem.
Shewasn’tgood enough. Not for her father, certainly not her mother, and as much as her friends loved her, she didn’t quite believe herself to be good enough for eventhem.
She’d been the confidante, the resource for vital information, she’d even been the one they looked to for ideas. It was just that….
She’d never felt she reallymattered.
Searching the room for Lord Blakely’s dark blob of a head, Emily wished at that moment she could throw something at him. How had he managed to bring such pathetic self-rumination about on her part?
A hand dropped on her arm. Lord Carlisle.
“You’ve gone rather quiet, Miss Goodnight. Are you well this evening?” Such a sweet thoughtful man! Perhaps Rhoda had the right of it. Perhaps she needed to make some serious efforts in his direction. If only she could believe herself to begood enoughfor him. The cursed words had spun themselves around her to the point of strangulation. Lord Carlisle had been a vicar. She wondered…
“Are you happy with your newfound status, my lord?” She allowed the words to escape unheeded. “I wondered if you resent leaving behind your vicarage.” Did he feelgood enoughto be an earl?
He laughed softly and patted her arm. “Would you prefer my honest response, Miss Goodnight?”
“Most vehemently.”
“Always first,” he said carefully, “I am a man. I am Justin White, the only son of Katherine and Jordan White. I am flesh and blood, and spirit. I will perform the duties of either a vicar or earl with the same consideration in mind. So, in answer to your question, I am neither happy nor resentful of my new station in life. I will simply accept what God has given me and hopefully fulfill his path for me sufficiently.”
Emily wondered how she might apply this wisdom to her own predicament. My goodness, but Lord Carlisle was agoodman.
What on earth did that make Lord Blakely?
And why had that thought jumped into her mind? Because of what she’d witnessed in the library at the Crabtrees’ ball? Because he’d been blacklisted in nearly every respectable establishment inside of London? She’d never heard any person accuse Lord Blakely of goodness, and yet… He’d seen the need to have her spectacles repaired.
