She’d crossed paths with Stewart on just a few occasions before he departed the estate. She knew plans had been set for him to rendezvous with Harold soon. But he, too, carried a look of sadness about him. Others would consider his melancholy his show of mourning. But Sophia recognized it far too easily. For she carried it with herself every day.
It was guilt. Plain and simple guilt.
She only wished she could flee as well. She wished she could run away with Dev, forget all of this had happened, and move on with their lives. But even if this was possible, she sensed a change between Dev and herself. An odd barrier of sorts had developed. To worsen matters, what with the duchess’ kindly demands, Sophia had difficulty finding time for herself, when she might seek him out.
When she was not needed by the duchess, Penny hovered. The constant companionship was stifling.
It had been ten days since Harold’s services, and the last remaining guests, as well as the duke’s entourage, were scheduled to leave the next day. Sophia felt a sense of panic at not knowing Dev’s immediate plans.
Was he going to return to Eden’s Court with them? Would he go to Surrey, or London perhaps?
Wrestling with such uncertainties, Sophia gave into her restlessness and went on a walk with Peaches in the small garden behind the castle, the side that faced the moors. Penny was busy packing, and her grace was taking a nap following tea.
Sophia needed to find Dev but did not know where his chamber was. And she could not exactly ask after it. That would be most improper.
Newly widowed ladies did not seek out a gentleman in his quarters. If she were to ask after him, surely, it would be reported to her grace. Her grace was privy to all details pertinent to her family’s well-being.
Oh, Dev!
As though her thoughts conjured him, she nearly burst into tears when she rounded a corner and saw him sitting on a conveniently placed stone bench.
They’d not been alone together for days.
And yet she felt hesitant.
It was Peaches who jumped at his legs until he lifted her onto his lap.
It was Peaches who reached to kiss his chin with her tiny tongue.
Dev tolerated the dog’s energetic affection for a few minutes, smiling and patting her on the bum, before setting her back onto the ground. He looked sheepish when he glanced up at Sophia. Not one to forget his manners, he rose from the bench and gave her a half bow.
That was the moment she knew that he too, in fact, felt this… distance… between them.
It was not her imagination.
He took her hands in his.
“Sophia.” He stared down at their entwined fingers as he spoke her name.
His hands were dear, so slim and beautiful, but so very strong and capable as well. She dipped into a half-hearted curtsey. With a sense that she was constantly being observed, Sophia glanced around nervously. “Dev,” she said. Her heart beat anxiously.
Did he regret all of this? Was he already lamenting the promises he’d made?
Allowing him to pull her down to the bench with him, she searched his eyes for answers. “He did make the jump safely?” The thought had occurred to her that Harold had been hurt, or worse, and that this was why Dev seemed so distant.
“Oh, yes, of course.” Dev set her fears to rest. He then rubbed her fingers for a moment before raising both of her hands to his lips. “I did not imagine in my wildest dreams how devastating this would be.”
Sophia’s eyes burned. “The duchess is overwrought at losing him.”
Dev nodded. “She is, but Sophia, you must remember the risk Harold would have faced if he’d continued his relationship with Stewart, here in England.”
“I know,” she agreed. “I only wish the duchess could know that he lives.”
“Harold and I discussed this. She could not have kept the truth from Prescott.”
“I know.” Sophia sighed. And then, “What’s going to happen now?”
Dev finally looked her in the eyes. “We wait.” He surprised her with what he had to say next, though. “I cannot remain in the same house with you any longer, unable to be with you, unable to speak to you freely… to touch you.” Passion burned in his obsidian eyes. “And yet, it is too early for me to publicly declare my intentions. The family wounds are raw. I think you’ve realized this as well.” Dev was quiet, and then he looked off into the distance. “I’m torn, Sophia, by my love for you and this sickness inside of me, this sickness at what we’ve done.”
