I should let her go.
Let her leave.
I reach out, grabbing her wrist gently, bringing her to a stop. “No, it’s okay.Stay.” The last word tumbles out and I can’t take it back. I clear my throat, hoping she doesn’t get the double meaning. She doesn’t turn around and I drop her wrist instantly.
Sam lets out an insistent whine, and she chuckles softly before turning back around. “I’ll stay for you, Sammie.” She squats and gives Sam all her love, cooing at him like a baby. And I know I shouldn’t, but I look at her.
I do, because God, she’s so beautiful, both inside and out. No amount of anything can ever change that.
Sam’s furry coat glides through my fingers as I pet him gently, and he whines as he stretches slightly. I look back over to her, and she pets Sam absentmindedly. Her eyes unfocus a little and her mind seems to have left this place for a bit.
She looks—no. I don’t care. I don’t.
Yes, I do.
“Your wound,” I mention. She looks up at me and my train of thought derails. “Um, it healed.” She nods at that and looks back down at Sam, and I deflate.
Out of everything I could’ve said, that’s what I went with?
Come on, don’t be a coward.
“Bianca.” Her cerulean eyes make contact with mine, and I fall right back in like I always do. Except I’m not twelve years old anymore, I’m not a little kid anymore. We’re not kids anymore. “I’m tired of this.”
Her eyebrows crease together and I sigh as that did not come out the way I thought it would. I shake my head, trying to clear everything up. “Not—” I take a deep breath. “I’m tired of this back and forth.” Understanding passes through her eyes, but she doesn’t say anything, and I let it all go. “We were bestfriends, you and me. For years. This ...animosity,for lack of a better word, is getting exhausting.” Her eyes widen, but I don’t stop. “I’ve been trying to rid myself of our memories for years. Trying to put you behind me, and I thought I had, but then I saw you again, and it made me realize I didn’t want to. I just—didn’t know if you felt the same.” I stand, Sam looking at me, as I run my hands through my hair, frustrated.
“So, I became who I am with everyone else. A jerk. An emotionless prick because I couldn’t handle it when you left the first time. A second time would finish me off, yet all you have to do is look at me ...” Her eyes raise to mine as she stands slowly, and I chuckle sadly, pathetically, as I move closer to her. “And I physically can’t keep going through with it. You just look at me with those eyes I’d looked into for years, and the last thing I wanna do is stay away from you.” I swallow harshly. “Even with the risk that I might get hurt again.”
I’m breathing heavily, my lungs can’t get enough oxygen, and she hasn’t said a single word. “Tell me right now if you want me to stay out of your way. That you want me to act like I don’t know you. That we’re strangers. And I’ll honor it, I swear I will. Because even after all this time ... I’d still do just about anything for you.” Her mouth drops open at that.
Sam squirms slightly, probably feeling the tension, and I sit back down, rubbing his head, his body loosening up instantly. I run my hand through his fur, my eyes not wanting to meet Bianca’s even after she sits next to me . Her body heat is so close, it could engulf me if I wanted it to.
“Liam,” she says, and my head snaps up, her face the picture of every emotion all wrapped into one. She looks conflicted, scared, hurt—and each one breaks my heart more than the last. I brace myself for the impact of her words, for her to hammer in the last nail of my coffin ...when she hugs me.
Her arms wrap around as best as they can and I freeze. In one moment, she’s squeezing me, and in the next, I’m wrapping my arms around her. She smells of coconut and sunny days, and my goodness, have I missed that smell. It’s something souniquely her. Something I’ve never forgotten. The hug feels like it lasts for an eternity and it heals something in me that’s been broken for a long time, but then she pulls back.
“I’m sorry.” Two words. Words that will either put on a Band-Aid and heal my heart, or shatter it more than it already is. “I haven’t been acting great either. I realized I wasn’t truly over things that happened forever ago, and now, seeing you having friends and doing everything we said we would, and the whole thing with Va ...” Her voice cracks slightly, and a sour taste starts in my mouth and I look down. “It kind of brought back the jealousy I felt all those years ago,” she whispers.
She felt jealous?
“You were calling less, and when we did talk, you’d tell me all about how the football guys were accepting you. I was so happy, don’t get me wrong ...” She trails off. “I was scared that one day you’d leave me behind. I mean, where would I fit in your new life?”
I shake my head. “You were my whole life.I tried out for the team because you believed in me. I didn’t even spend that much time with them because I wanted to hang out with you.” I blow out a breath at how she didn’t understand how much I cared about her.
How much I still do.
“I was jealous too, you know.” Her body angles toward mine, and her face is more confused than shocked. “You were always talking about your new friends, about Jamie. I just—you had already left physically.” I shrug. “I thought I was gonna have to say goodbye to my best friend once more.” Tears well in her eyes, and I don’t dare maintain eye contact. I confess, “I’m sorry for what I said.”
She chuckles sadly. “I’msorry for what I said.” She puts her hands over mine, her fingers wrapping around mine tightly. “I’m sorry you felt like that. And about telling you to stay away ... I won’t tell you to.” My heart beats rapidly. “I’ve missed you, Liam Parker,a lot. Every memory I have of this place—Los Angeles—has you smack-dab in the middle of it.” I chuckle and she smiles. “I don’t want you to stay away.Please don’t. I didn’t mean what I said back at Mella Colta.”
I shift closer and place my finger under her chin. She raises it slightly and I look deep into her alluring eyes. “Even when you didn’t want me, I was there.” She looks at me confused, but I push through. “You have always got me.Always. Best friends,forever and ever, remember?” I hold out my pinky, reciting the promise we made all those years ago fresh in my mind.
She smiles and wraps hers around mine, the same words leaving her mouth with utter gentleness. My eyes trace her face, memorizing it, feeling that if I blink, she’ll fade away. The slope of her nose, the little dots scattered across it, some stray outliers on her chin and upper lip. I raise my hand, my fingertips aching to trace the small dots across her face. She leans into my touch, and I swear, she moves even closer. Her beachy scent comes back to envelop me, creating a buzz around my senses. Her lips are a breath away from my own and her eyes are hooding slightly.
My eyes flick down to her lips before they shoot right back to her eyes, and I can’t help the strangled whisper that leaves me.
“Freckles.”
The once-beloved nickname I had for her. One she loved to hear all those years ago causes her toflinchnow. She blinks rapidly, pulling back. “Um, it’s getting late.” She looks down at Sam, his head propped up as if he knows that it’s time to go back to his kennel. She doesn’t make an effort to move and neither do I. She keeps petting him, and I keep my hand still, because after a bit ... Her hand hits mine and she looks up at me.
