I inch closer to Liam.
Though, when I touch his arm, he looks down at me, confusion swirling in his darkened eyes. His body flinches away from mine, making me retract too.
“What’re you doing?” he asks, and embarrassment licks at me while I clear my throat.
“Nothing,” I mumble as I glance around. While some of the men have taken their eyes off me, a lot of them haven’t.
I stuff my hands in my pockets and try to make myself invisible. My body language is as closed off as possible, yet that doesn’t seem to matter. There are whispers still coming from behind us, making me hate that I came here. At that, a warm arm wraps around my shoulders, and I glance up, finding Liam now looking at me with concern. He glances around, finally noting the stares. Then, he plays with the strings of my hoodie with one hand while the other settles loosely on my waist, and more whispers cease.
A beat passes and I do nothing. A frown comes onto his face momentarily, but then he gives me a gentle smile.
Thisis the guy I’ve missed for so long. Something settles in my chest; maybe there’s some hope for us yet. Though, a hurtful but true memory comes to mind, and I remember something that’s standing between us.
“There’s this guy that I hooked up with a couple years ago who’ll be there for sure.”And boy, was he.I remember how Vanessa grabbed him like it was normal for them. The way she looked up at him—the way the very first friend I made had been involved with Liam. Orientation was so long ago, and my brain likes to shove it away till it needs to put me back in check. I blink rapidly, stepping back as his arm drops from my waist.
His eyebrows furrow, and he seems ready to ask what’s wrong before someone shouts, “Next!”
We startle at that, and Liam quickly walks up to the register as I trail behind him. A guy around my age gives me a once-over before focusing on Liam.
“Hey, man, what can I do for you?”
“I need an oil filter for a BMW 320i.” The guy smiles at me, but I don’t return it. He leaves for a moment, heading to the back, and Liam stiffens slightly as his hand clenches and unclenches at his side. Waves of what seems like slight annoyance roll off him and unease comes over me. Poor guy has no idea when he comes back, whistling slightly, scanning the box.
He then looks at Liam, and with an easy smile, says, “It’s gonna be fifteen fifty-nine.”
Liam rolls his eyes and takes out his wallet, paying with his card. Not even wanting his receipt, he grabs my wrist and whisks me out of there. We walk through the doors heading to the parking lot and he’s breathing heavily. Given that he’s taller than me, I have to jog slightly to keep up with his pace. He unlocks the car and we get in. He then puts his head on the steering wheel, the ink on his skin moving along with every exhalation.
We sit there for a beat before he sighs, causing my tentative smile to not even fully form. His eyes lock with mine, regret taking overhis features. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I forgot, we’re not—you know. Slipped my mind for a moment,” he says.
“Right. Yeah,” I mumble, putting my head against the window. He composes himself, starts the car, and we’re driving back home. Looking out, I focus on all the dry land of Los Angeles behind the bougie establishments.
The silence is back again. But it’s what I wanted, right?
Him to stay out of my way, me out of his. He’s Vanessa’s something, and I’m not his ... anything.
But this silence hurts more than I thought it would, and I’m such a coward to even want to say something about it. I jump out of the car once we park in front of my house, making my way to the driver’s side. His eyes flit between me and my outstretched hand as he chuckles in disbelief.
“Back to square one, huh?”
I roll my eyes. “We never left, right?”
He pinches his nose, chuckling almost bitterly. “This is what you wanted, right? What we both wanted,” he says, and we stay still after. His shoulders have fallen and he looks tired, looksdone. I must mirror the expression, and his eyes lock with mine, showcasing hurt above all.
His face searches mine for answers. It seems as though we have each other’s hearts in our hands, yet don’t know how to handle them. Much to my dismay, a tear streams down my face against my will. His eyes soften and he looks as though he wants to say something, but resists. He drops the keys in my outstretched hand, stalking off without a word.
Walking in, Olivia’s on the floor while Josh and Mom are on the sofa behind her. Mom looks to be the only one interested as her eyes light up when she sees me coming into the room.
“Hey, hon, how was the trip with Li—”
I look away. “Fine. I’m going to my room.”
“Bianca, let’s think about being more respect—”
Myblood boils, bringing back the annoyance I have with Josh. “Respectfully, Josh, screw off!” I yell, not caring what Mom says. I slam the door and pull the curtains together, tears running down my face. Some of the animal science books I bought crowd my bed, and I grab them, slamming them down on the floor. The only source of light in the now-dark room—the fairy lights—catches my eye. I slide down the bed, bringing my knees up when my eyes catch the corner of a familiar box, and I reach for it hastily. Opening it up, it’s full of all the things representing Liam and me, things I never got rid of despite the ongoing rift between us. My hands reach for the Polaroid strip of us from years ago. It was one of the days when he came with me and Mom to the mall.
I look at the strip of photos, and the first is a cute one, then a couple ones with our tongues out, but the last one causes me to cry that much more. It’s him kissing me on the cheek while I giggle. I remember that day when he whispered into my ear:
“I’ll never stop loving you, Freckles.”
