What even is in the letter?
Is it even a letter?
It might just be his will or something equally as shitty that could send me over the edge.
I shouldn’t read it.
Not today.
Huffing, I turn away and move to stand, but then a picture of us on the wall from our wedding day slams me straight in the chest as if the asshole is telling me from the other side that Ineedto read it.
“Okay, fine, you stubborn asshole… I’ll read it. But if you make me cry and ruin my makeup, I’m not going to your funeral,” I say into the ether.
My fingers tremble as I tear open the envelope.
His handwriting glares back at me, bold and messy, just like him.
My throat tightens, and a pain twinges through my stomach before I’ve even read the first line.
Sha,
If you’re holding this letter, then something went wrong.
Which pisses me off, because I swore I was coming back to you. I’m really fucking sorry I broke my promise to you, baby. You have my permission to call me an asshole. If I didn’t come back, and if this is all you have left of me, I need you to know a few things.
First off, family means everything. You, of all people, should know that. You taught me that better than anyone. You gave me a home, a reason to fight, a reason to live. You gave me Immy, and you gave me these twins. And baby, you gave me you.
My lips wobble, tears instantly welling. “Goddammit, Hurricane,” I whisper, pressing the paper to my chest for a second before forcing myself to keep reading.
I hope you’re not sitting there ugly crying, because you’re supposed to be the strong one, remember? Don’t worry, I’m not calling you out. I know you’re probably blaming me for your ruined makeup. If it helps, I always thought you were sexy as hell with mascara running down your cheeks. Yeah, I said it. You’ve got that hot-as-fuck raccoon look when you cry. Don’t even try to deny it.
A choked laugh escapes me despite myself, and tears drip onto the page, smudging the ink. It feels like he’s still here, needling me until I smile.
Now, don’t go thinking this is me being all serious and noble. You know I couldn’t write you a goodbye withouta little filth in there. So here it is—if I’m gone, I want you to remember every damn time I bent you over a counter or had you screaming my name in the shower. Yeah, that one. And that other one. And definitely the one where I wrapped my hand around your throat and made you come so hard you saw stars. I want those burned into your brain so every time you touch yourself, you think of me.
And since we’re being honest, I hope you do touch yourself—often. I want you to slide your hand between those gorgeous thighs and hear my voice in your head telling you exactly how to play withmy pussy. I want you to remember how wet you’d get when I told you to spread wider for me, how you’d beg when I had two fingers inside you and my tongue on your clit. Think about how hard you’d squeeze me when I fucked you deep, how you’d cry out when I told you to take every damn inch.
Sha, if I can’t be there, then I want you to make yourself come to the memory of me over and over until you fall apart screaming my name. That way, I’ll never really be gone, not from your body.
“Oh my God!” I laugh through my sobs, covering my face with my hand. “You absolute asshole.” My cheeks are wet, but my lips are trembling into a smile.
But more than that, I want you to remember how I looked at you, how I couldn’t keep my hands off you. How I would have done anything, given anything, been anything, just to keep you safe and happy. That’s the truth, baby girl. I loved you with everything I am.
You probably rolled your eyes just now because I got sappy. Don’t even try to lie—you fucking did.
But you need to hear it.
You were it for me, Sha.
The beginning.
The middle.
The end.
I press my fingers to my mouth, trying to hold back a sob, but it breaks free anyway. My chest aches, split wide between grief and love.
I don’t want you to hide from the world because of me. Live, Kaia. Raise our kids to be strong, fierce little bastards. Tell Immy her daddy was the luckiest man alive to have her. And when the twins are old enough, tell them their old man was a stubborn prick who never shut up about family and always put his people first.
