“You’ve changed.”
“That’s a strange conversation starter, even for you, El,” I said, nudging her shoulder a little but not hard enough to knock her off the rock we were sitting on.
“Is it?” She lifted a foot off the rock and extended it, dipping a toe into the sparkling water of the little lake behind the chalet.
Ripples rolled out in a perfect circle, and we sat quietly watching them slowly fade. Once they were gone, she repeated the motion again.
“Yes?” I frowned. “Maybe, maybe not. It’s only been a few weeks. I know we haven’t gone that long without seeing each other in what … ten years? Since that business …”
“With Milly’s Uncle Leo, yes,” Ella said, giggling over the memory of the portly man and his failed chicken egg empire. “But you’d changed before we were separated.”
She meant my dragon. I nodded. It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about, but if Ella had chosen to bring up this topic, it was important toher. And if it aided in her recovery, all the better.
The silence that lingered this time was easier. More relaxed. She was still my friend, and would be no matter what.
“Does it bother you?” I asked. She’d been tense before saying that I was different and relaxed when I hadn’t shut her down. So maybe that was it?
“No.” She chewed on her lip. “I wanted to make sure it wasn’t bothering you either.”
“Bothering me how?”
“Like, you weren’t repressing anything.”
“I don’t think I repress much,” I said, shrugging it off.
Ella turned to stare at me like I’d grown a second head. I patted my shoulders just to make sure. Nothing.
“What’s that look for?” I sat up straighter, thoroughly lost.
“Anna,” she said, shaking her head. “I love you like a sister. But you have made your memory loss your entire personality.”
I clenched my teeth at the reminder of my lost past. Of a childhood I would never know.
“See? Even now you’re getting worked up about it. Which is why I never bring it up anymore. Nobody cares about it, except you, you know. You think of yourself as flawed, like you somehow haven’t contributed a thing to ourgroup all these years. Like we take pity on you, and that’s why Milly and I keep you around or something.”
I licked my lips. “Um. Wow. Been holding that one back for a while. Have you? That came out awful fast.”
Ella stared at me for a second and then laughed. The sound was soft and tender but full-bodied nonetheless. Her shoulders shook, and she leaned against me, one arm wrapping under my shoulder to hold on.
“See, this is what I mean by you’ve changed,” she said as I snuggled in to her as well, grateful for her presence. “Anna pre-dragon would have been super uptight, maybe offended,definitelywallowing in self-pity more. But now you just make a joke about it.”
“I guess.” I frowned. Had I really changed that much? “What does it mean?”
“I don’t know. I’m not the one who has a dragon in their head all of a sudden. You tell me. What does it feel like? Having a dragon?” Ella looked right at me. “What’s it like having a mate?”
“Terrifying,” I said without hesitation. “It’s orb-damned terrifying, Ella. And exhilarating. Soul-filling. I smile so much more, and I have nightmares every night that it isn’t real, that at any moment he’s going to reveal it’s all a giant prank, that he doesn’t care, or that he stilldespises me because I’m a wing-clipped, unfit for the ice tyrant to mate with.”
Ella nodded, hanging on every word.
“But I don’t want to go back,” I admitted. “I thought I did at first. He left me in the cage. I waspissed. But he made me a promise that night. That he would always be there, that no matter how difficult it gets, he would show up.”
“And you believe him?” It wasn’t a judgment. She wanted to know the answer.
“Yes.” I laughed once. “Yes, I suppose I do. He’s proven he’s willing to do anything for me. He’s fought his own family to protect me. He’s done horrible things. That shouldn’t make me want him more, but, Ella, I can’t keep my hands to myself. Every time I see him, orsmell him, I lose my orb-damned mind.”
“Smell him?” Ella’s brown eyes scrunched up tight. “He doesn’t stink, I don’t think?”
“No. His scent, his smell.” I half-closed my eyes, inhaling slowly through my nose. “Fresh woodsmoke mixed with citrus. Sweet and tangy all at once. Ugh, it’s the best. When I’m next to him, and I can just lean in and drink it in, El? Amazing.”
