The thought of being left behind fills me with a sick terror, but the thought of letting the warmth and light inside of Farli be destroyed by taking her away? That decides it.
The engines start to power up. Trakan has to be startingthe ship. There’s no reason to delay, not any longer. I need to act now. I move to the wall and grab the emergency alert handle and twist it. A klaxon sounds through the ship, alerting the bridge to abort the take-off. Farli looks at me in surprise, rubbing her ear at all the noise. “What is it, Mardok?”
I turn back to her, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Do you want to stay, Farli?”
Panic crosses her face. “I do not want to leave you—”
I correct her quickly. “That’s not what I’m asking. Do you want to stay? Because if you want to stay, I’ll stay with you.”
She sucks in a breath, her eyes wide. “But that is your greatest fear, Mardok. Being left behind. I would not do that to you.”
I take her hands in mine and bring them to my mouth, kissing her knuckles. “I think it would be worse to take you away and watch you be forced to change. I love who you are, Farli. I love that naked, wild girl that I met a few days ago. The one that put my hand on her breast and kissed me. The one that’s carefree and unbroken by society’s rules. And I think…I think leaving would be a mistake. I think it would crush who you are, and I love you too much for that to happen.”
Tears shimmer in her glowing blue eyes. “But…what about you?”
I try to laugh, even though I’m choking with panic. “I’m gonna need my hand held for a few days, I think, until I get used to the concept of being left behind. But I think I can handle it, as long as I’m with you.”
She flings her arms around my neck and kisses my face, over and over again. “Oh, Mardok! You would stay? Truly?”
“For you, I’ll do anything—”
“What’s going on?” Niri comes racing into the corridor, followed by Trakan and Chatav. She’s got a fierce frown onher face. “What the kef, Vendasi?”
“I’m staying,” I tell her bluntly. “I’m not taking Farli away from her world.”
Niri gives me an incredulous look. “You can’t be serious.”
“I gotta second that, Vendasi,” Trakan says. “You’d be crazy to stay. It’s nothing but ice and snow. No cities, no nothing. There’s nothing here.”
That’s where they’re wrong. Farli’s here. Her warm, loving people are here. There’s a life for us together here, and a child. That’s enough for me. I turn to Farli and smile, decided. “Shall we rejoin the others and give them the news?”
She hugs me again, her eyes brimming with joy instead of tears. “The tribe will celebrate! There will be a feast tonight in your honor.”
All I really want to do is go back to her house and curl up with her, but I nod. “Feast sounds good. As long as I’m with you, everything’s good.”
Her hand clutches mine tightly, and she’s radiant in her happiness. This is the right thing, I know it is.
“Well damn, if there’s a party, I wanna stay another night, too,” Trakan says. “We gotta send our boy off in style.”
Chatav just sighs and rubs his brow. “Another delay?”
The last one. I won’t be around for the next. I swallow the fear in my gut and hold Farli tightly.
In the end,there is a party. A big party. The sa-khui tribe is overjoyed at Farli’s return and my status as the newest tribesmate. I’m showered in hugs and given tunics and food and everything under the sun as housewarming presents. Plans are made for the morning—we’ll be up early to hunt some big creature and get a khui for me. For some reason, I’m calm. I’m no longer panicked like I was before at the thought of being left behind. I’m not, not really. Everything’s here. WithFarli at my side, I’m never truly going to be alone ever again. And while it’s a little worrying to think about staying on this primal planet for the rest of my life, there are things to look forward to. I’ll get to tinker with the Elders’ Cave some more. I’ll get to go on more hunts with Farli’s brothers, and I might actually get good at it someday. If nothing else, I’d love to be half as athletic as them.
More than anything else, I’m looking forward to being with Farli, now and forever.
And, all right, I’m looking forward to impregnating her. What man in his right mind wouldn’t?
The celebration is a rowdy one, and people drink lots of sah-sah. Trakan’s got his head together with his buddies Bek and Vaza, I guess getting a few last-minute bootleg liquor deals in. Niri remained only briefly, then returned to the ship with a cursory hug for me. I wonder if we were ever friends or if I’ve just imagined it. Maybe Niri truly does need no one. The thought makes me a little sad.
Captain Chatav moves to my side and comes to sit next to me by the fire. He’s silent, and I wait for him to reproach me. To lecture me on leaving him without a mechanic for the rest of the haul. But when he finally looks over at me, he nods. “You’re doing the right thing.”
“I am?” I’m surprised to hear that coming from him.
“Indeed. Look at how happy you’ve made her.” He nods to Farli, who is sitting with her mother, painting a replica of my tattoo on her mother’s arm. She glances over at me and gives me a radiant smile full of promise.
I can’t help but grin back at her. I’m stupidly happy, too. I don’t ever remember being quite so happy. “It feels like the right thing, you know? I don’t have anyone waiting for me at home. Seemed wrong to pull her from everything she loves just because I don’t like snow.” I’m downplaying it a bit, ofcourse, but Chatav doesn’t need to know about my hang-ups.
