I come apart with a cry, the world shaking around me. Spots dance in front of my eyes, and the breath explodes out of me. I feel as if I am as tight as a stretched-out drumskin. And still he pounds into me.
And I come again.
And again.
Over and over, it feels as if I am being driven to the edge, only to fly over once more. I do not know if it is the piercing, or resonance, or Mardok himself, only that I am out of my mind with sensation. The world is an endless cycle of thrust-and-climax.
“Your eyes,” Mardok grits, and there is strain in his voice. “Give me your eyes again, Farli. I want to have you with me when I come.”
It feels like the most difficult thing in the world to open my eyes again, but I do, and as he surges into me one last time, we are locked together. He comes with a shout…and I come again, too.
My breath is gone. My energy, gone. My mind? Possiblygone. I am nothing but a boneless, happy mass crushed under Mardok’s delicious weight. I wrap my arms around him and somehow find the strength (and breath) to sigh.
He pants, pressing exhausted kisses to my face. “Farli. My Farli.”
“That was…” I have no words.
“Yeah,” he says, dazed.
My khui’s gentle song continues, the only sound other than our breathing. I thought it would stop if I were pregnant. Perhaps it did not happen, then. And tomorrow my khui will be gone. I feel a sudden sense of loss. Tomorrow I lose my khui, Chahm-pee, my family, my world—everything. I will follow Mardok to his strange, cold world, where everyone is unpleasant like Niri and Trakan. Where everyone eats bland food and people kill other people because their chiefs demand it.
Mardok will be there. I must cling to that. I will be happy with him. I know I will.
But I cannot stop the tears that flow as I bury my face in his arms.
13
MARDOK
It feels wrong. All of it, just wrong on every level.
I can’t get over the feeling that a mistake has been made as we flyThe Tranquil Ladyback to the village. Rukh, Harlow and their small son are glad to be returning. They talk of visiting the Elders’ Cave—I think in their eyes it will always be a cave and not a ship—and working on it again soon. They are excited for the future and what this means if Harlow can get the computers to work again. Her eyes are bright with excitement and she looks much healthier than before, so I am glad about that. I cannot help but notice that Farli is quiet as theLadylands on the ridge just at the edge of the crevasse for the last time. She is at my side, her hands on me and a smile on her face, but silent.
I remember how she cried last night in my arms. Gods, it made me feel helpless. I think she didn’t want me to know…but how could I not? Her sadness eats at me, but I’m not ready to give her up. I need her with me, at my side, for whatever the future may hold. And she wants to be with me. So why does this feel so hollow?
I squeeze her hand as the ship settles to the ground with a little bump. She looks at me, and her smile brightens. Her khui hums gently in her breast, the song barely loud enough to catch my attention.
She’s not pregnant.
I don’t know if I’m happy about that, or sad.Sad,I think, but maybe it’s for the best. Maybe now’s not a good time for her to get pregnant. Maybe we can be like Trakan and his girl. Find a nice space station and settle down. I can get a job fixing ships at a dock or running security. Something that won’t involve me leaving her behind. But a space station seems like the wrong place to take someone as wild and free as Farli. She needs to go planetside, even though that’s far more expensive than what a simple mechanic can make on his salary. I’ll figure something out. I have to. She’s the most important thing in the world to me.
The entire village shows up to greet us, and as we descend down the pulley, Farli flings herself off the platform and races into her mother’s arms. She holds her tight and then hugs her father, then her brothers, and finally showers attention on her prancing Chompy. She seems to be on the verge of crying, keeping a desperate grin on her face as she hugs everyone again. I realize that she’s trying to get it all in before she has to leave.
And the feeling of wrongness slides under my skin and won’t leave. I am silent, unsure what to do or say that will make this better. I am taking Farli away from everything she knows and loves to come live with me in some tiny apartment in space, all because I cannot bear to leave her behind. She will lose her family, her khui, everything.
Getting me in exchange doesn’t seem like much of a deal.
I don’t have family waiting for me. My father was the last one, and he died months ago. I can’t even say that I’m sad that he’s gone, just filled with regret that we were never close. I can’t give her a big family like the one she’s leaving behind.
Farli’s mother has a sad expression on her face as she hugs her daughter again and holds her close. It’s as if she knows what Farli’s going to say before anything is spoken. Harlow and her family are enveloped back into the tribe, showered with hugs and happy exclamations about how good Harlow looks, how healthy, and I notice that Maddie and Lila are standing close by. Lila holds her little son, and he whispers something in her ear, and she smiles.
So perhaps our visit was not all bad, then. Maybe they’ll remember us with fondness instead of as just those assholes that took Farli away. Doesn’t give me much comfort, though.
Chatav moves forward, and Vektal and Georgie do, too. “We cannot wait here any longer, Chief Vektal,” Captain Chatav says. His posture is stiff and formal, as if meeting the most respected of dignitaries, and I admire the guy for that. However I feel about Chatav, he knows to do the right thing. “Your people have welcomed us graciously,” he continues. “In exchange, we have offered to take anyone that wishes to return to civilization back with us. You said you needed time to think. Have you made your decision?”
Vektal looks at his mate, and then back at Chatav. He nods gravely. “I have spoken with each of my tribesmates in private. No one wishes to leave.”
Chatav is utterly still, as if he isn’t sure he’s heard correctly. “Are you quite certain?”
