Her sister translates with a few gestures, and Lila keeps signing. “She says that it’s not a problem for her. That she doesn’t feel broken. But her son does not understand why Mama does not hear him. She would like to hear his voice.” Maddie gives me a rueful smile. “And she says her sister is pushing her to do it, too.”
“Her mate?”
“Not her mate. He likes her how she is. He is fine with whatever decision she makes. It is her life.”
I nod slowly, and somehow, I feel worse. Lila’s mate loves her enough to not care if she can hear him. He does not mind if she lives missing one of her senses, if that is what she chooses. And yet, the thought of staying behind on this planet…it fills me with an aching dread.
It’s not the same as Uzocar IV,I remind myself.It’s not. I would be left behind by choice, not by mistake. It’s not the same.
But the knot of dread remains in my gut all the same. I smile faintly at the women, but my mind is in other, darker places. I’m back on Uzocar IV, with that same trapped, helpless feeling. And I can’t stay here, not with Farli’s sad eyes making me feel like I’m making a mistake.
I need to leave. To get a breath of fresh air. Something. Her disappointment eats at me, and I can’t take it. I exit the room, escaping out into the shadowy passages of the ship.
Even here, though, I cannot escape. Vektal and his mate stand with the captain by the ship’s exit hatch. The primitive chief’s arms are crossed and he doesn’t look pleased. His wife looks distressed, and her hand is hooked into her husband’s belt, as if she’s afraid of losing him, even for a second.
Captain Chatav is oblivious to the mood of his audience, though. He holds a mug of his favorite drink and stands proudly, as if he’s delivering a speech to soldiers. “Any of your people that wish to return with us, of course, will be given that option. Even though it is very costly, we cannot abandon a people in need on this gods-forsaken planet. I am sure we can be compensated for our time, fuel, and supply expenditures in some fashion.”
“Your offer is generous,” Georgie says politely as I walk past. “But I’m not sure that there is anyone willing to take you up on it. The khui would have to be removed, and the bond is an emotional one as well as a physical one. I’m not sure anyone wants to lose that. Even though we were stranded here, we’re happy.”
“Nonsense,” Chatav says. “This planet is a deathtrap and barely habitable. There are so many other locations you could choose to colonize if you so wished.”
Georgie glances at her husband, but he appears lost in thought.
“We’ll think on it,” she says eventually. I don’t stick around to eavesdrop. I can tell just what Vektal is thinking without him saying a word. He won’t leave, but it doesn’t mean that he won’t encourage his wife or children to seek out a better life if one is to be had. He’s going to think of what’s best for them and not for him.
It’s what I’d do for Farli.
Or…is it? Am I being selfish in wanting her to go away with me? I just…can’t picture growing old here on this planet. Living every day huddled away from the ice and snow. Wearing leather and eating meat like a savage beast. There are better lives out there to be had. Farli would love the beach. I imagine her in a tiny swim outfit, soaking up the warm weather. I envision her taking a pleasure cruiser through the stars and showing her the sights. Wouldn’t she love that? She has a sense of adventure and a hunger for new things. Staying here on this iceball of a planet limits her.
I can’t be wrong in this. I can’t.
I head toward my quarters, but as I do, I see Trakan and two of the hunters hanging out in the lounge. He’s showing them how to run one of the electronic gaming boards, though neither hunter seems very interested. Trakan spots me and jogs out of the room into the hall. “Hey, good, I was looking for you.”
I stop, though Trakan’s the last person I want to see at the moment. “What is it?”
“I need the secondary remote for the game board. Have you seen it?” He rubs his hands. “I’m going to teach these boys to gamble.”
I snort. “Why? They’re a simple people. They don’t have anything you want.”
“Ah, my friend, but that’s where you’re wrong.” His tone is smooth, too smooth. And there’s a big grin on his face I don’t trust. “It’s about building relationships, you know? Somethingyoucan’t judge anyone on.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the little bit of sweetness you’ve been keeping in your quarters. But that’s fine—she’s all yours. I’m working on making friendships, you know? Might be a reward for a long-lost descendant or two. Or heck, they came here on a ship. Might be able to take some salvage off their hands.” He winks at me.
Rage burns in my mind. Is that all these people are to him? A money-making scheme? Is that why he’s teaching them to gamble? So he can fleece them out of everything they might own that’s of some value? “Leave these people alone.”
“Hey, hey, don’t get greedy.” He puts his hands in the air. “Like I said, you’ve got your target, I’ve got mine. I’m not touching your little piece of tail—”
I slam my fist into his keffing mouth. How keffing dare he? Farli isn’t a piece of ‘tail.’ I think of her laughing eyes and her innocent smiles. I think of Trakan taking someone like her into one of the back rooms and trying to talk circles around her to get what he wants out of her.
And as Trakan staggers backward and mutters a “What the hell?” I go after him again.
I fling myself onto him, fists flying. Trakan tries to land a few punches, but I’m the security expert on the crew, and he’s just a skinny, underdeveloped navigator. He tries to block me, but I’m stronger than him, and I know where to hit. My fist slams into his brow, his mouth, and I can’t stop myself. Over and over, I see Trakan in my mind, cornering Farli and trying to manipulate her. I can’t stop, because the red cloud of anger over my brain doesn’t allow me to think.
Farli’s mine.
She’s mine.
