Jo-see’s flexible human brow creases. “She’s still not feeling well?” When Stay-see shakes her head, I feel a bit of worry tug at me. All of the humans do well here despite the cold, except Har-loh. She has always been a bit fragile, but ever since resonating a second time to her mate, her pregnancy seems to be sucking the strength out of her. Every day she looks a little thinner, a little more faded as her belly grows. I know her mate is worried. I worry, too.
When I return, I will bring something special for Har-loh to make her smile, then. Maybe snowcat or the hraku roots the humans love so much. Perhaps that will help her spirits.
“I must be going,” I tell them, but the two humans are barely paying attention, their minds focused on Har-loh or kits…or finding Sessah and foisting him off on me. I wave goodbye to the group and then grab Chahm-pee’s harness and hurry him along before someone else can stop and talk to me. I like chatting with the human females, but I am more worried that Sessah is going to show up and ask to join me. We hurry along, and I am relieved that my dvisti is no longer dragging his hooves and trots after me eagerly. We make it out of the village and into the gorge alone, and once there, I can breathe a sigh of relief.
Sessah is…a problem, and one I do not know how to handle. He is just coming into his adulthood and has decided that since we are closest in age, we should be pleasure-mates. I…do not share this sentiment. Sessah is nice, but he is also still gangly and young, and his adoring attentions make me uncomfortable. The tribe finds his devotion amusing, but I do not. I have taken no pleasure-mate since coming into my adulthood, and do not plan on it.
I am waiting for resonance.
Perhaps I am a dreamer, but I am waiting for a hunter that looks at me with fire in his belly and stars in his eyes. I want him to gaze at me the way Haeden gazes at Jo-see, or Pashov devours his Stay-see with his eyes. I want him to have that same intense look on his face like Hassen does when he watches Mah-dee, or Rukh when he cares for Har-loh. I want what Vektal and Shorshie have—to be his partner and equal in all ways, and to finish his thoughts for him, and to occasionally sneak away to do the mouth-matings when we think no one is looking.
I need a mate that will make my heart stir and my khui sing. And I know it is not Sessah. Nor is it Taushen, who has courted me in his own quiet way. I do not know who it will be yet, or if my mate is not yet born and I must wait endless hands of turns for him to grow into adulthood. Whatever it is, I am content to wait. My own mother is twenty-seven turns older than my father. It can happen, as long as I am patient.
I want everything to be perfect, and it will be.
“Farli,” a voice calls out as I head toward the end of the canyon.
I turn, and it is my father, waving a leather-wrapped bundle in the air as he jogs after me. “Wait!”
“Father? You are not out hunting?” I greet him with a gentle clasp on the arm and press my cheek to his.“Is everythingall right?”
“Everything is fine, Little Sunshine,” my father says with a grin. He places the packet in my hand. “I am making sah-sah today and will go hunting later. As for this.” He taps a finger on the packet. “Your mother did not want you to go out hunting without something to eat.”
I roll my eyes and cannot resist a small giggle. I am my mother’s youngest and she spoils me as if I am still a kit clinging to her skirts. “Tell her she has my thanks.”
“Will you be out overnight? Rokan said the weather would be fair.”
I shrug. “Possibly.” It depends on how badly I need my space. I love to wander. Lately I have enjoyed going to the sand-covered beaches near the great salt lake, hoping to catch a glimpse of the green island that Jo-see swears was there so long ago. I have never seen it, and I think the earth-shake must have swallowed it. But I still like to look.
“Sessah was hunting for you this morning.”
I grimace. “I might be gone a few days, actually.”
He seems to understand, a slow smile spreading across his face. “Then be safe, and look out for metlaks.”
“Always, Father.” I hug him again and then wave goodbye as he heads back to the village and toward his waiting sah-sah pots. If Sessah is looking for me, then I will most certainly spend a bit longer out in the wild.
Chahm-pee bleats at me, as if agreeing…or just mad that I have not given him more seeds. I tuck the packet of food under my arm and offer my pet a few more treats. “Come, fat one. Let us get you on the pulley before Sessah comes this way.”
Because we now live in a gorge instead of in a cave, there was no easy way for Chahm-pee to get in and out, nor the humans, who are not as good at climbing sheer surfaces aswe sa-khui. Har-loh saved the day with one of her creations. She created a pulley that balances with some heavy weights on the other side. I do not know how it works, only that I harness Chahm-pee in on his rope-covered raft and get in beside him, and then I pull on the rope, hauling us both into the air without straining my arms. Once we get to the top, Chahm-pee waits until I unfasten him and then trots off onto the ledge. I jump off as well and then send the pulley back down again for the next person.
Now that we are back ‘up,’ the wind blasts into my face, ruffling my hair. I miss the wind and the sunlight down in the gorge. It is safe there, but it feels a bit like living in a hole on cloudy days. Today the suns are shining brightly, peeking out from behind the clouds, and the snow glistens blindingly bright. I give a happy sigh and close my eyes, drinking in the feeling.I could live up here all the time,I think. Just lie down in the snow and let the sunlight bake my bones.
I do not, of course. The day is wasting and already the suns are high in the sky. I do, however, strip off my tunic and my leathers until I am down to nothing but my loincloth and my boots. I stuff them into my pack and sigh happily. There is nothing quite like fresh air on my skin. The human females would squeal in distress at the sight of me, but they like to cover their bodies with furs. I think it is because they are always cold. To me, this weather is perfect.
I hop forward. “Come, Chahm-pee. Let us go see what our traps hold.”
He bleats and moves to my side, keeping pace with me.
Chahm-pee grazes as I walk,nipping at tree bark and pulling at shoots as we move through the valleys and the steep cliffs. I see no one else out, but their tracks are everywhere. Not surprising—the hunters do not like to spend as long outon the trails as they used to, not now that so many of them have mates and small kits waiting for them to come home. It is the unmated hunters—myself included—who take the more distant trails. I do not mind; I like the exploring. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one out in the big wide world, and it is fascinating to me how empty and yet gorgeous my surroundings are.
I love this place.
I know the humans complain about the snow and the cold. I know there is more rock than they are used to, and No-rah has mentioned that their old home had many more trees. But when I look around, I see home. I see snow that hugs the world like a blanket. I see spikes of color where foliage has pushed its way through the snow, reaching for the sun. I see ribbons of blue as the streams wind through valleys, and herds of distant dvisti as they churn trails in the snow, seeking food. It is all fascinating and lovely and I could spend every day exploring and learning new things. Most of the humans are content to stay in the village. A few of them hunt, like Leezh and Li-lah and Mah-dee, but most are happy at home.
But I love the adventure of exploration. I crave new experiences. I want more than just sitting around a fire and chatting. I want to see everything I can.
As I walk, I contemplate this.I want to get away for a few days,I think. Let Sessah focus on something else for a change. But where? To the great salt lake, with its long scaly monsters that swim in it? To the human cave with the flashing red light that burns at a touch? Or somewhere else?
