“I mean, Ben asked me to pretend to be his fiancée to impress a business client, and it spiraled out of control, and now we’re getting married tomorrow in front of everyone we know, and it’s all a lie.”
The words tumble out in a rush, and once I start talking, I can’t stop. I tell her everything—the dinner with Red and Marnie, the contracts we signed, the compensation agreement, the rules about not catching feelings. I tell her about the engagement photos and the publicity and the way this whole charade has consumed our lives.
I tell her about the almost-kiss on my doorstep and the way Ben pulled away, and how I’ve been dying a little more each day knowing that he sees me as nothing more than a helpful friend providing a service.
When I finally finish, my sister is sitting on the little couch in the fitting room, staring at me with an expression I can’t read.
“You’re telling me,” she says slowly, “that your entire engagement is fake? That you’re marrying Ben tomorrow as part of some business arrangement?”
“Yes.”
“And you’ve been lying to me about this for months?”
“Yes.” The guilt threatens to consume me. “I’m so sorry, Bella. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. There were NDAs and contracts, and I didn’t know how to explain it without making it sound completely insane.”
“It does sound completely insane.” She’s quiet for a moment, processing everything I’ve told her. “But Freya… are you sure Ben doesn’t have feelings for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’ve seen you two together. At the family dinner, at the engagement party. The way he looks at you…” She shakes her head. “That’s not acting. That’s not someone going through the motions.”
“You don’t understand. Ben is allergic to committed relationships. He’s made that clear his entire adult life. His career comes first, always.”
“People change, Freya. And people can be wrong about what they want.”
“He had a chance,” I say, wiping tears from my cheeks. “The other night, after the engagement party.”
“Maybe he pulled away because he was scared. Maybe he has feelings for you too, but he’s terrified of ruining your friendship or complicating the arrangement.”
I want to believe her. God, how I want to believe that Ben might feel even a fraction of what I feel for him. But I can’t let myself hope for something that will only lead to more heartbreak.
“If he had feelings for me, he would have done something about it by now,” I say. “Ben goes after what he wants. He doesn’t give up when something matters to him. If I mattered to him that way, he wouldn’t have let fear stop him.”
“You’re talking about business, not love.” She moves to sit beside me on the small bench in the fitting room, careful not to wrinkle my dress. “Freya, I’ve never seen you like this before. Not about any guy. The way you talk about Ben, the way you cry when you think about losing him… this isn’t just about unrequited love. This is about someone who’s become essential to who you are.”
“That’s what makes this so impossible,” I whisper. “Even after we divorce, even when this arrangement ends, how do I go back to being just his friend? How do I pretend that this year didn’t change everything for me?”
“Maybe you don’t have to. Maybe you tell him how you feel.”
“And ruin everything? Destroy our friendship and make the next year completely unbearable?”
“Or maybe you discover that he feels the same way, and this stops being fake and starts being real.”
I look at myself in the mirror again, this bride in her perfect dress with tears streaming down her face. Lord, I’m such a wreck.
“I can’t risk it,” I say finally. “I can’t tell him how I feel and have him look at me with pity or awkwardness or regret. I’d rather keep my feelings to myself and… get through it all.”
“Really?”
“I’m going to marry him tomorrow. I’m going to smile and say my vows and let everyone think this is the happiest day of my life. And then I’m going to survive the next year. At least I’m getting something out of it too.”
Bella wraps her arms around me, careful not to disturb the dress. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
“I brought it on myself. I should have said no from the beginning. I should have known better than to think I could fake being in love with him without it becoming real.”
“Or maybe,” Bella says softly, “this is exactly what was supposed to happen. Maybe this arrangement is the universe’s way of forcing you both to confront feelings you’ve been avoiding for years.”
“The universe has a cruel sense of humor, then.”
