Crickets. That’s what we’d hear if we had any around here because no one has anything to say to that.
Actually, I’m sure each of us has plenty to say to that, but we're weighing up whether we want to burst her happy little bubble or not.
I’m half considering if I should take one for the team, but as Pam straightens, letting out a long exhale that sounds very much like she is fed up with all of our shit, she takes the mantle for this one and gives Fauna the birds and the bees two-point-o talk.
‘What do you mean you can get pregnant from precum?’ She squeaks, and it’s Isla’s turn to bark out a laugh this time as the other women look like they’ve been told the worst news since the virus started.
‘See! You all thought I was the idiot for getting a bun in the oven but you lot don’t even know basic sex ed.’
‘My sex ed was about periods, not cum!’ Eloise shouts and a few others nod their heads in agreement.
‘But… but…’ Fauna stutters and I’d feel sorry for her if this whole situation wasn’t so hilarious.
Pam looks to the heavens, muttering under her breath as she stands, walking over to a somewhat shaken-looking Fauna.
She places a motherly hand on her shoulder. ‘I’m afraid precum is very much a thing. We’ll have a chat in the morning, alright love.’
Fauna nods, her face having drained of colour. Ruaridh the bastard doesn’t look the least bit phased by all of this. Actually, he looks as if he’s debating if he’d like the idea of getting his girl pregnant.
Fucking psychopath.
‘Way to kill the mood, Fauna.’ Luna grumbles as she twists at her bottle.
‘Joke's on you because I got my period this morning.’ Fauna answers, bouncing back like she didn’t just let the entire group think she was on the verge of a pregnancy scare.
This group of women are nothing but a big line of whiplash, each one readying themselves to take the next one's place after they’d announced some life-changing secret.
‘Your friends are crazy, baby.’
Wrapping my arms around Isla I breath her in, wholly content with my slice of crazy.
Chapter thirty-five
Isla
Istretch my arms and legs out, fully taking over the bed as I do so.
Good, I feel good. Last night was a bunch of laughs. I'm not even sure what happened to the rest of them all after Liam and I called it a night and went to bed, but I know for a fact I need to find out.
Not bothering to change out of my PJs, I slip on my UGGs and make a beeline for Fauna and Ru’s room. Banging on the door, I shout through for them to wake the fuck up.
Not a chance am I going in there. I learnt my lesson the first time and I’ve still got the mental scars — no matter how hard I’ve been trying to erase them — to prove it.
A few minutes tick by and I bring out the big guns. ‘I’m going to get Elsa!’
Immediately, I hear rustling on the other side. At least I know something is alive in there. Then a very rough-looking Fauna peeps her head out.
‘Why are you awake this early?’ she rasps as she curls in on herself.
‘C’mon, let’s get the others.’
Fauna grumbles a response that I ignore. Not bothering to wait for her to get her shit together, I'm already spinning on my heels. She was never good with hangovers, and I know for a fact she spent half of the night puking her guts up, so I definitely want to stay up wind of her and her deadly hangover breath.
I’m giddy with excitement as we wander to go get Liz. I have a little more pep in my step than Fauna whose movements resemble more of a zombie than anything else.
And like the psycho Elizabeth is, she’s already awake and dressed.
‘Of course you’re alive,’ Fauna grumbles. ‘Why did I get stuck with the two that don’t drink?’
