Maybe that will change now that we're here. But I don’t allow myself to get my hopes up.
Not since the last home I had went up in flames.
‘That lunatic might as well be a rabid dog with the way she goes on. She’s as crazy as one.’ Ru grumbles, pulling my best friend into his chest.
It's strange to see either of them so affectionate. They’ve both changed so much since meeting each other which is crazy considering Fauna only disappeared a couple of days ago. Ruaridh is expected to be a different person since it’s been years since we last saw each other and we’ve both lived through so much since then but Fauna? It’s like she has found her missing piece, the thing to soothe her soul, and I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.
I shake the feeling away as guilt accompanies my selfishness. Fauna hasn’t just done so much for me, she’s also protected everyone in our group with everything she had. She deserves to be doted on the way my brother does.
I smile at them. ‘Why don’t you go do something? I think I’ll take a nap. Today's been a lot.’
Fauna looks unconvinced, but Ru nods his head, clearly loving the idea of being alone with her again.
‘Will you be alright?’ He asks, remembering that I’m also someone he is supposed to look out for.
I nod, ‘managed to survive this long without you didn’t I.’
He winces and so do I but I don’t apologise.
‘You’re right. But I’m here now and I’m still your older brother.’
Older brother that’s about to get his ass kicked if he doesn’t back the fuck off.
Sensing the tension Fauna buts in. ‘Get some rest, we’ll check on you in a bit?’
‘Sure.’ I answer knowing fine well no rest will be gotten.
I’m tired but I’m always tired. I don’t think any of us have had a good night's sleep since the virus hit seven years ago. So the feeling is nothing new.
But right now I’m too alert to be getting any sleep. Endless amounts of questions swirl around my head and my thoughts are completely jumbled together.
I don’t know what I’m doing, what I’m going to do now that our plan has changed.
Originally, we were headed north, somewhere far away from cities and any other survivors. But look at that, we have done the complete fucking opposite.
Like, come on. We are in what was the biggest city in Scotland, and now we have joined another group, one with the worst reputation in Glasgow. Yeah, maybe they aren’t the worst ones to be playing house with, but they’re still mask-wearing psychos.
I groan, ‘How have I managed to get into this mess?’
Flutters fill my belly as my wee baby moves around.
‘Oh, I’m sorry. How have I managed to getusinto this mess?’ I coo at my stomach.
Feeling the little guy wriggle around has been something to get used to. It’s nothing I can put to words I only know it gives me so much joy. My baby's presence reminds me of what I’m fighting for: a better future.
So I need to stop wallowing in self-pity and get on with it like the bad bitch I am.
People speak about nesting when you’re pregnant and I kind of understand the concept but I didn’t think it would kick in the second I decided to get my life together when Ru showed me my room.
I also didn’t expect it to be accompanied by super mother strength because somehow I have moved a sofa, a bunkbed and I’m considering going out to find a chest of drawers to drag up here.
The room just wasn’t right when I came in, and much to my endless attempts in trying to get it right, it still isn’t. There’s nothing in here I like.
Throwing myself down on the sofa, a light coating of sweat covering my skin, I pick up the notepad and pencil that were left atop some books on the small table I’ve moved around every inch of this room.
I need a list. That’ll sort me out then I can go find said items of the list and I will be one step closer to the room I want for my child.
Nawing on the end of the pencil, I get to work writing.
