‘Well I don’t need it.’ I respond mood even more sour than usual.
He’s probably just trying to be nice but it doesn’t come across that way. He’s taking charge, not giving me the choice of what I want to do.
Well and truly irritated I look around, trying to focus on the beauty of the apocalyptic city that I am voluntarily moving myself into. I guess I can kiss goodbye to the idea of living in the highlands, not that it would have been any easier living up there from what Ruaridh had said. Turns out The Highlanders are even more brutal than The Skulls. But you know what they say, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and all.
Glasgow’s not the grey city I remember it to be, though. The concrete paths and grey roads have been swallowed by nature, the land's rightful owner. The bright greens of spring are popping as well as the carpet of bulbs growing in our wake. The sight is beautiful.
Is this what it’s like inside the stadium? A different type of city, one where the parks I grew up running around in have joined together, creating one massive, beautiful landscape.
‘I’m sorry, Isla. I …’ Vish stumbles for the words, his gaze on the floor ahead as we walk. ‘It’s been so long. We… we thought you were dead, darling.’
Guilt wracks me, washing away my annoyance.
‘I get it. I’m sorry too’ I admit, my throat thick.
His elbow taps my bicep playfully. ‘We’re hard fuckers to kill, aren’t we?’
I laugh, shaking my head in the morning sunlight. He’s always been able to make me laugh, even when I’ve been struggling with my emotions.
The city is unrecognisable to me as we walk through it. I didn’t expect much and I’d been preparing myself for any difficult emotions that might have arisen with me being here. All of the family that I’d lost here. But I found one, my brother that I’d assumed was dead. At least I still have him.
And now we have somewhere to live.
The edges of my teeth run along the bumpy flesh of my inner bottom lip as we round through the desolate streets. Hundreds of cars block the roads, almost all of their tires flat and most of their windows clouded with years of dirt. But the wild flowers are there, growing in any cracks they can find.
Looking at them now, the tin vehicles, it’s insane how we would put so much of our value in physical objects when now they are all suffering the same fate — forgotten and useless.
‘How does the stadium work?’
Not aiming my question at anyone in particular, I realise my mistake as soon as I’ve done it. Because the heat at my back grows hotter, and the back of my neck flushes as Liam is the one to respond.
‘We each chip in with keeping it up and running. We’re planting a lot of crops at the moment.’ There’s pride in his voice, ‘Then we have a rota for all of the less popular jobs that need doing.’
‘Less popular?’ Luna asks, turning to face most of us side on.
‘Like mucking out the stables, feeding the animals when it's early and cold...’ Liam pauses, and my curiosity gets the better of me, and I turn to see his devilish grin. His eyes are pinned on me, causing a swarm of butterflies to rush around my stomach.
Luna, oblivious to my inner turmoil, responds. ‘Doesn’t sound so bad. I’m a morning person.’
‘All psychos are.’ I hear Ru mutter in front of me, and I chuckle.
Luna hearing him, attempts to trip him up which gets a load of laughs from us — especially Fauna, then continues. ‘Isla and Fauna are theworstmorning people. It’s like Isla is the grumpy troll under the bridge until mid-day.’
My cheeks flame.
It’s not like I care what Liam thinks of me so I don’t know why I’m even bothering to have a reaction. But I know for certain it's not because Vish or my brother heard, they both grew up with me and I’m just as bad as I was back then.
‘Is that right, princess?’ Liam chuckles, a little closer than he was before.
Ru looks back at us, his expression pissy as his green eyes volley between us.
My eyes roll in response. Another man being all macho and doing shit I didn’t ask for.
I’m not the little girl he used to play with when we were younger. I’ve grown up and not only can I make my own decisions, but I can look after myself as well. Just like I will look after this baby.
My stomach has begun to pop a little more recently and at the start it kind of freaked me out. It was so unexpected, I'm surprised at how much I managed to hold it together. Well, on the outside I did — inside not so much.
Can I both love something and fear it at the same time?
