“Have you told Cole that?”
“He knows.”
“Does he? Because from what I’ve seen, you’ve been pulling away for weeks without actually telling him what you need to stay.”
“It won’t matter. He can’t change his schedule. The label owns him now.”
“You’re protecting yourself by pulling away before he can hurt you worse.” Jess moved closer, took my hand. “Autumn, I love you. You know that. But you’re doing the same thing you did with Marcus. You’re making yourself smaller, convincing yourself you don’t deserve to ask for what you need.”
“This is different.”
“Is it? Because it looks the same from here. You’re sacrificing your happiness, deciding for both of you it won’t work, instead of fighting for what you want.”
“I’m tired of fighting.”
“Then rest. But don’t quit.” She squeezed my hand. “Cole’s coming home in three days. Talk to him. Tell him what you need. Let him decide if he can give it to you. But don’t make the choice for him.”
“What if he can’t?”
“Then you’ll know. And you can move on with a clear conscience.” She paused. “But what if you’re throwing away thebest thing that’s ever happened to you because you’re too scared to be vulnerable?”
I didn’t have an answer.
After Jess left, I put the vinyl on my turntable.
The first song started—a slow build of guitar and Cole’s voice, raw and honest.
“I found you in a crowded room
Wasn’t looking, didn’t expect
But there you were
And suddenly I couldn’t breathe.”
My chest tightened.
“You don’t see what I see
When you look in the mirror
All the beauty, all the strength
All the reasons I fell so fast.”
Tears streamed down my face.
“But you’re scared
And I get it, I’m scared, too
Scared of losing you
Scared of not being enough
Scared this feeling’s too good to be true.”
The chorus hit, and I sobbed.
