A deer head, it looked like, and the branches weren’t branches at all, but large antlers carved from silver metal. The deer head wasn’t normal, either, it was smiling, revealing sharp, pointed teeth, its eyes large and a little slanted.
My breath caught and his fingers started pulling at the tie at the very same time.
I stared into the eyes of that deer as his fingers worked carefully to loosen those ties. It looked so evil, so…beautiful.
“So, this is why you couldn’t breathe,” I heard him hum as he pulled on another tie, loosening the corset.
My lungs filled as soon as they had the room. I hadn’t realized how dizzy I had been getting until that moment. Lack of oxygen would do that to a person, I suppose.
He continued to pull gently until the last tie came loose before pausing. Seconds ticked by, and I remained as still as a statue, waiting, focusing on him, trying to decipher what was happening.
Another second passed before I felt his fingers slide under the corset on either side of my hip.
My breathing hitched, expecting pain. Thomas always brought pain, everyone always brought pain. Touch wasn’t kind, ever. I couldn’t remember ever being touched kindly. Not even for a moment.
But Azrael? His fingers were warm, soft as they grazed against my skin. He slowly lifted the corset up, my arms lifting high into the air. The corset was so small that even with it being fully loose his knuckles still grazed every inch of my skin going up.
Thomas always jerked it off, leaving bruises where he touched, but Azrael was gentle, everywhere his knuckles touched left only goosebumps, causing that flutter to begin between my legs. He was careful of my hair, my face, lifting all the way up and over before finally stepping back.
I lowered my hands to my sides, returning back to my normal position. I could undress the rest of myself just fine, I knew I could, but if he wanted to keep helping, I couldn’t say no.
I wouldn’t say no.
His touch was so kind. Warm. I wanted a little more.
But he had stopped. I didn’t even think I could hear him breathing anymore. He was just standing behind me, staring.I wondered what he was looking at. Perhaps the still healing lashings from a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t have to wear bandages anymore, but they were still sore when I wore things as tight as that corset.
The air began to change in the room, filling with electricity and ice. I could feel it skitter across my skin. I felt the weight of his gaze shift, and I wondered why. Maybe he was realizing just how bad of a sinner I really was. I had lost track of how many lashings I had gotten over the years, but it wasn’t a small amount.
Maybe he was realizing he had made a mistake in choosing me as his Favorite. The more lashings a Favorite had, the worse they were. I think I had the most out of all the Favorites in this church over the years. I was certainly the worst of them, despite what they called me. I wouldn’t blame him for feeling disgust towards me.
Suddenly, I felt the ghost of a trail being left down the center of my spine and my eyes closed of their own accord. I imagined the warmth of that trail was due to his fingers. Maybe he was hovering them just barely above my skin, from the base of my neck to the small of my back.
My lips parted, that flutter erupting between my thighs, causing them to tighten involuntarily. It was like I couldfeelhim touching me.
I heard the corset hit the ground a second later, and then Azrael walked by me, grabbing his cane. “Finish getting dressed,” he ordered me, and a moment later, the door shut behind him with finality.
I swallowed, my shoulders falling, a feeling of emptiness spreading through my stomach, replacing the buzzing electricity that had just been there. He saw what Thomas did and now he knew the truth. I was too much of a sinner even in his world.
No.
Stop, that wasthemtalking. I knew my Hatter. Iknewhim. He has been here for years building up his own hysteric Wonderland to bring down blood on this world and replace it with his own. My scars wouldn’t have scared him.
Nothing scares my Hatter, my ghost, my sea.
Perhaps then…perhaps it did something more.
It motivated him, and in the right hands, motivation was all a person needed to add glass to those waves.
30
Azrael
March 12th, 2023
The bucket of vomit was still sitting in the hallway, untouched by the people who had forced it out of her. Let the church smell like the sins they commit every day. Let their walls reek with the stench of the god they chose to worship.
When the backs of the people were worse than my own,thatwas when the true problems began to burn through me like battery acid on the skin of a babe.
