But touching myself in an impure place was against the rules. I could ruin the rest of my purity by even thinking about it.
And I wasn’t with Azrael anymore. He wasn’t telling me what to do, so I had to follow my normal rules.
I twisted my legs together and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the feeling while I imagined him holding out his handto me.“Until then, you do what I say, and perhaps your head won’t be among theirs.”
I imagined that very blood dripping from his fingers, and then he would touch me, sliding his hand over the side of my face, the blood spreading across my skin in strokes of crimson. His voice would caress me in ways nobody’s ever had. Low and melodic, like a dark, evil secret nobody else could hear.
Everything about him was captivating. From his name to the way he said mine. From the way his presence took up more space than the sun, to the way his eyes warmed my skin. I imagined him swiping his thumb gently across my jaw, leaving a stroke of blood, his Cheshire smile trained only on me.
My body arched, my legs squeezing tighter together only for a warm slickness to force my eyes open.
My brows pulled together.
I immediately sat up, wincing at the pain from my chest, and gently slid my fingers under my pajama pants, running them over my inner thighs. When I pulled them out, I smeared two of them together and brought them to my nose, smelling them. It didn’t smell like urine.
Thank goodness. I knew I had a bout of peeing the bed when I was 11, but I had hoped it would never happen again.
So what was it? Why was there an ache? What was happening to me?
I frowned and laid back down, moving a small amount to test out my body. I was sore, but not down there. The flutter was gone, the warmth dissipating.
Was I getting sick? Maybe I had had more of an infection than I thought I did.
I released a breath and readjusted my rice pack before closing my eyes and clearing my mind. I needed rest. Thomas always claimed that rest healed all wounds. I mean, it never had in the past, but perhaps this time was different.
I hoped it was different.
20
Azrael
January 15th, 2023
Malachi’s name flashed across my phone screen and I ignored it. I didn’t have the time to deal with his pointless assignments anyway, he had other children for that, and anyway, hadn’t he learned by now? I was better than them all. I was above those silly little missions. I had bigger things to accomplish than trying to gain more power for him.
I leaned back in my chair, twirling my cane in one hand while I watched the hand tick on my watch that rested in the other. Two of the most important things I held in my possession. The only things I truly owned. Everything else could be burned for all I cared, but not these. Never these.
My phone started ringing again, and I felt that familiar darkness spark under my skin. They would force my hand. Make me get rid of my phone again. I only kept this one for their benefit, but clearly they hadn’t been paying much attention.
I don’tlikebeing interrupted.
I clicked my watch shut, slid it back into my breast pocket, and reached for the phone, finding not Malachi’s name flashing across my screen, but a little yellow flower instead.
My cane stopped twirling, and I hit answer. “Hello, daffodil. To what do I owe this particular call?” I did hope it wasn’t another conversation about why I wasn’t allowing her to chase after her dear father. I disliked repeating myself.
“You’re ignoring Malachi.”
“I ignore everyone.”
“Not me,” she countered.
“I dislike you the second to least,” I answered easily. Which was true. Despite her innate ability to stop listening when I told her I wouldn’t allow her to get near her father, she was smart and quick-witted. Her anger was a weapon that she used, and the way she wielded Jacky-boy was somewhat entertaining. She was confident in who she was and what she stood for, and I respected that. However, her stubbornness was as admirable as it was irritating. “Where are you in the world today.”
“I should be asking you that question.”
I didn’t bother with a response. She knew better than to ask.
After a moment of silence, she released a breath. “We’re in Russia dealing with an issue.”
